Reflecting on past year with the blog

It's been somewhat over a year ago that I started this blog, and I have been reflecting on what it has meant for me.. Someone once gave me the advice to always reflect what a chosen path has lead you to as it will clearly tell you whether you are on the right path or not. Has it brought you nearer to your goal?

The biggest benefit from starting this blog was discovering that there are so many people out there living in polygyny and realizing that it can work. Sometimes you get stuck in your own view of life. I might think that it is absolutely not done to hug Mr.Hubby in front of a sisterwife. But is it really not done? And if another sisterwife did this, does it mean she’s being mean towards me? Probably not. So it has made me re-evaluate certain viewpoints that I just take for granted.

Reading the blogs where polygyny works as well as where it’s still a major struggle, has been insightful. I have come to appreciate Mr.Hubby’s way of handling things a lot more, and I have become more understanding of the way my sisterwives deal with their struggles.

In some ways I have formed a clearer perspective on how I think polygyny should work, instead of just trying to follow Mr.Hubby’s take on it. And I have come to realize that my main weakness lies in the extent to which I want a close bond with my sisterwives. This I think is my main struggle and the main reason why it has been so hard to become close thus far. I just don’t want it badly enough. 2nd always sais its because I am happy with my relationship with Mr.Hubby that I don’t really desire to be close friends with her and confide in her. I am not sure if that’s the real reason, but somehow I feel like it’s good enough to like each other and get along. And I have still to figure out how to get myself to take the next step and really throw my heart into the relationship with my sisterwives.

So in conclusion, I think blogging has been a good decision. I informed Mr.Hubby about my blog and let him read it a few weeks ago. He’s somewhat confused about how it all works but has found it alright so far.

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Late night reflections

It's quite late at night and I could not sleep because of the mosquitoes and because of how hot is was.. I decided to get up and take the time for prayer and reflection. And while I was sitting and meditating a storm broke loose.

What a sensation to be meditating with windows wide open and the sound of the rain and the thunder outside. I felt so at peace and at the same time so energetic. I was reflecting on everything that had happened the day before, asking God to guide me in every step and protect me from any type of negative feelings I have. And with every such thought I felt myself becoming more and more – what word would best describe it – healed…it was so soothing. Just wonderful..

We do such injustice to God. I forget about Him throughout the day, complain about this or that and forget to ask Him for help. Then I turn to Him just once and He lifts me up regardless of my forgetfulness of Him and all my ungratefulness. If it were a relationship between two people I would be the incredibly egoistic and self-oriented one, and not one person would endure me. But He is always there.
I feel bad for ever complaining about how people treat me, when I show Him so little love, affection and care. We should love God, He loves back. Instead of asking love from people around us..

He might even love us through the people around us.

It’s still raining.

I love the sound of the rain.

Sincerity

Lately things have been going very well between me and Mr.Hubby - Actually this is most often the case. Just sometimes, when it’s that time of the month, I get in a drama-trip in which things feel worse than they are and the world seems to be a hostile place.. :)

However there have also been periods during which I would talk to Mr.Hubby less or he was less caring and involved. Sometimes because he had a lot on his mind or was dealing with problems in his other households, or because he was fed up with me and my flaws. And I have noticed that any reservations or doubts I have about polygyny or the fact that my life is secretive always pop up when me and him are in our lows.. When I feel loved by him and secure in our relationship nothing really bothers me.

And this makes me wonder how sincere I truly am... Should the choice for this lifestyle not be a matter of principle and belief and be totally unrelated to the way Mr.Hubby acts? Does this make me someone who is just in it for her husband and his affection, and will I run away once things get tough?
It makes me question whether I am steadfast enough in my faith.