So about that rant

To my previous post Donald and Anonymous posted some good questions.. I wanted to address them before moving on to a new topic. You see, that article bothered me for multiple reasons, the main one being that I find more and more that sess is being reduced to a mere physical act. And we teach this to our youngsters through media. And it really isn’t a physical act – it’s about intimacy and love. As the name sais actually..

What this article suggested is that if your love life has gotten a little dull you should try a new position, buy some toys, introduce new partners even.. While, when there is a lack of emotional intimacy between two people then their intimate life will not feel as warm, passionate and satisfying as it first did. The problem is really emotional and has nothing to do with where you put your leg, whether you are flexible enough, and whether you do the same thing every time you are together.

Now I hate the fact that we portray sess as so emotionless to our youngsters. It results in girls doing stuff which they actually do not feel completely comfortable with, but which they believe is the way it should be. I hate the fact that in the article all the girls were reluctant but then eventually consented. Young girls reading the article will end up doing the same.. it’s not much different from girls being seduced into getting paid for sess. It still happens to too many teenage girls. They get an older boyfriend, he convinces them to sleep with a friend of his, then he convinces them that getting paid for it is really not a big deal. Before they even realize they have been seduced to something they never wanted or wished. Why not teach young girls to listen to their instincts and be brave enough to say “this is what I like, this is what I feel comfortable with, take it or leave it”. There is no need to compromise your own self for the sake of another’s lusts.. where do you draw the line then? If there is anything I am happy to have learned in the course of my young life than it would be to trust my inner voice, and be brave enough to express it.

Now men are by nature more sessually driven. So I recognize that a lot of men want more sess and are often frustrated when they are married, they get kids, and their wife is too exhausted to look after them.

That’s why I feel so happy with Mr.Hubby. He never places any demands on me because he’s fine. If I am exhausted, I can feel exhausted and be exhausted and sleep without feeling guilty about leaving him in the cold. That is what I meant when I said that it’s all about me. I don’t need to do anything which I don’t feel like because he has no thirst for more or different.. so intimacy is really about intimacy and it’s absolutely suited to what I need or want.

Rants.. what happened with sessual revolution?

So I bought this fashion magazine to catch up on the latest styles, even though I don't follow any trends sometimes it's nice to see what the fashion guru’s have come up with for the season. Very naively I started reading the articles as well, which I usually skip, I just check the pics, there's no interesting things to read in fashion magazine's anyway I believe.. Well! Boy was I shocked!

The title of the piece was something like “sometimes it’s good to try something new”. And basically it told the story of a few women who tried out new things – sessually. All the story lines went like this – I had been with my boyfriend / husband for 3 / 5 years and he had often made comments or jokes about us doing a tre-some / switching partners with friends / trying out sesstoys etc. I never thought much about it, but after a while he really became serious about the issue and I understood that it was something that he really wanted. I was wary at first but decided to at least give it a try and see what it was like before judging about it.
Eventually every one of them had tried what their partner wanted of them and had had a good time, and all of them said well, it was a onetime thing, and they weren’t really planning on making it a habit, but who knows..

And I was like WTF???

So my 15 year old cousin could buy this piece of crap and read it? What the F is wrong with these people?

I was so amazed. I mean in EVERY story line the guy came with the request and the girl just went along with it reluctantly. Since when did the sessual revolution end being about doing exactly that which pleases you the most, and it became about doing whatever the man finds pleasing?

The even more insane thing is, that each and every one of these women would look at me and feel sorry for me, because I am sharing my husband with three other women. They would feel like I am doing something to please him, and am thus sacrificing something of myself. The truth is that I never experience any of this sh!t which I just read. He never ever puts any demands on me in these terms. There is no need to try out new stuff. Intimacy is all about ME, whatever I want, whatever I wish. If it may be a good night sleep - I get a spoony behind me and it’s fine.

What a relief…

PS. I say sess with double s because I don't want any unwanted Ads popping up.. ;)

The rollercoaster...

I promised I would write more about my insights but caught up in work so didn't really get the time to write again. It's tough, this blog thing. Almost like a real relationship..I feel guilty leaving you guys without any news or updates. And maybe you don't even bother..

Well, there have been some intense talks in our family, brace yourself, it’s huge. 2nd is struggling with a major issues from her childhood – abuse issues - for which she is getting counseling. Sometimes she becomes very depressed, sometimes extremely aggressive, sometimes I lose track of what the problem is and focus on the stuff she is saying instead of the things that I know are the real issues. She has been denying the real impact of everything she's been through in her youth, and I think that due to the struggles of polygyny, she came to a point when she just felt she needed to get help. I have figured out that sharing Mr.Hubby is a lot harder for her than for us. It also explains the enormous amount of jealousy she used to have when I first entered. Just yesterday I understood that often she is fighting thoughts of Mr.Hubby being a lust obsessed pervert who sleeps around. And she said crying that she knows he is not, but that she gets surges of mistrust and pain and deceit from her childhood that come haunting her in her life as it is now.

She also explained that it’s been due to counseling that she was able to find a way to explain herself. In the past she might have got angry without being able to explain why. Now she said she understands that she interprets a lot of situations as threatening, and then she reacts in the way she wanted to react but couldn’t when she was a child and that trusted person destroyed her childhood over and over again.

I am wondering sometimes what the reason is we are all together in one family unit. Maybe helping her through this will be one of the reasons. Somehow because of all of this I feel closer to our family. I feel a need to help and support her. It makes me forget the differences we have and try and think of how we can be better sisters to each other.

I hope you guys forgive me for the absence here on the blog. Work and intense home issues just leave me exhausted at the end of the day.. so it's been hard to write.

Back Online!

Thanks to Sage and UA-R for house sitting.. very nice of you guys! :)

I was offline - on a VERY nice holiday. It was awesome. No phone, no email, no laptop and no TV! The world is such a different place then. All of sudden there are oceans of time. Just how much time do we spend watching useless tv-shows?! I do ... guilty ... yes. Must confess.

Will definitely write soon about some new insights I got during my time away.

Post ya soon.