Summer storms... :)

I've been visiting my brother for a few days - it's so strange how you can know each other so well but still find out something new about one another when you spend some time together.

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We were driving around the city and somehow we started talking about his girlfriend and how they met etc. He's been with her for about two years now. He then wanted to show me how once in the middle of the night, while he was going out with a friend of his, he decided that he loved her so much that he needed to put it in writing. So we drove to her old home and there it still was, his message, sprayed on a wall which was visible from her bedroom window. It said "one soul, one heart".

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It was very sweet, it made me smile. She's his first love. I think you do such things only for your first love. I asked him what she thought of it when she saw it, and he said that she was so happy that she cried for hours and she hugged him the whole next day... First love - sweet isn't it? I wondered if Mr.Hubby would all of a sudden spray something on a wall outside my bedroom window - what would I feel? I'd probably think it's hilarious. Laugh my socks off..

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In some way I think it's sad that we become older, wiser, and thus more rational. My first love when I was sixteen was without any consideration for myself or my surrounding, it was foolish and intense. It was like a summer storm. Now love is more like spring, it's full of changes, growth, it's deep, it's more real.

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Talking with my brother made me smile inside about my own foolish summer storm. It's like a small jewel I take with me, sometimes I look at it and it radiates a bit of its funny memories my way.

Late night reflections

It's quite late at night and I could not sleep because of the mosquitoes and because of how hot is was.. I decided to get up and take the time for prayer and reflection. And while I was sitting and meditating a storm broke loose.

What a sensation to be meditating with windows wide open and the sound of the rain and the thunder outside. I felt so at peace and at the same time so energetic. I was reflecting on everything that had happened the day before, asking God to guide me in every step and protect me from any type of negative feelings I have. And with every such thought I felt myself becoming more and more – what word would best describe it – healed…it was so soothing. Just wonderful..

We do such injustice to God. I forget about Him throughout the day, complain about this or that and forget to ask Him for help. Then I turn to Him just once and He lifts me up regardless of my forgetfulness of Him and all my ungratefulness. If it were a relationship between two people I would be the incredibly egoistic and self-oriented one, and not one person would endure me. But He is always there.
I feel bad for ever complaining about how people treat me, when I show Him so little love, affection and care. We should love God, He loves back. Instead of asking love from people around us..

He might even love us through the people around us.

It’s still raining.

I love the sound of the rain.

Missing him

I was watching a movie today, some really sweet story about a guy who falls in love with this girl and the feeling in the end turns out to be mutual. And I found myself feeling some sort of nostalgia, a sense of sadness for something which was but will not be again. That feeling of wanting something which is unknown, the excitement of meeting that person and keeping your feelings secret while they show clearly in your look and smile and posture.. then to realize exactly the same is the case with them.. and what a rush that gives. Two people standing in front of each other desiring with every cell in their body to come closer, but keeping their distance due to whatever reasons. Yeah, it made me feel nostalgic.

I think that is the best part of falling in love. The time before you declare yourself to one another, the time of unspoken desires. Is it wrong for me to feel this way I wonder? What would Mr.Hubby think if I told him? Is it because I am missing him so much that I feel this way? I wish I could just call Mr.Hubby and tell him to get his butt over here for some passionate quality time.. but I can’t.

Maybe that’s the real cause for my nostalgia. My missing him. It's easy to think it all has to do with polygyny and having to share him is to blame for everything, and I think we women tend to do that way too quickly. But I wonder how many of the women in a monogamous marriage find themselves watching a movie and wishing they would have that passion in their life.

I might consider myself lucky for having that with Mr.Hubby even though our time together is little.. I just miss him.