Monday, October 26, 2009

I told you so

4th is doing much better..
and as I expected I am back on the list of people that are to be forgotten

We emailed back and forth after my initial reply to her message. The last communication was from my side; I sent her an email, just before she spoke with Mr.Hubby, telling her that we’ve all had moments in which we feel it is too much and that she should not think it is just her.
Mr.Hubby and her spent some evenings talking afterwards. And now she is all upbeat and laughing and hysterical and I haven’t heard from her since. She hasn’t bothered to email anymore or say anything concerning her feelings now or that she is doing better.. It’s like I do not exist.
First I thought that maybe she would reply after some days.. but nope, not a word.

Obviously this is something which I expected and I also expected that I would feel as I do now. However I am happy that I was not to blame for her wanting to leave, as I wouldn’t want to have to carry that burden. Also I am happy that I did not get sucked into investing more of my time and energy in this. I already feel like a fool now, I would have felt way worse had I really opened my arms to comfort her.

I keep reminding myself that it really doesn’t matter what she does or does not do, and that I should just busy myself with trying to be a good person in the best and most true way I am able to.

7 comments:

kanadiyah said...

"I should just busy myself with trying to be a good person in the best and most true way I am able to." very good advice... May Allah make it easy for you ukhti :)

CM said...

Well, you can say one thing for sure, she is predictable!

You are right - it does not matter what others do, we are only responsible for our own behavior. Thank goodness for that blessing! :)

Donald said...

3rd said: 'Also I am happy that I did not get sucked into investing more of my time and energy in this. I already feel like a fool now, I would have felt way worse had I really opened my arms to comfort her.'

3rd, it is never foolish to love. It just feels that way because we tend to measure our own value by what others think of us.

I know it's hard to love with unconditional love. Actually I think it's impossible unless we feel filled to overflowing with God's love for us. The moment we sense our love-tank is depleted, we tend to go into self-preservation mode — withholding our love from anyone we fear may not return it in full.

I like this line from a song called Truth And Consequences: 'Are you really gonna stand for a love that waits its turn?' The truest love doesn't wait its turn — it loves and loves and loves, and then it loves some more… come what may.

Here's another song lyric I like. Its almost childlike in its simplicity, but I find it encouraging to just keep living and loving no matter what:

'We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
'Cause the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love.'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCxZvD_wZ6I&feature=fvst

(I apologize in advance for the hairdo!)

Donald said...

With link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCxZvD_wZ6I

UmmAbdur-Rahmaan said...

Attention anyone??????

C said...

How are you? You haven't posted in a while and I was wondering about you...

An interesting thing has been happening in my world: I'm beginning to get to a place where I can better reconcile my previous life (and the blogging I did then) with my reality now. I'm starting to understand what was going i=on in my brain, and how I got where I am now.

As someone who used to read my old blog (Distelfink Farm), I wondered if you'd chime in and tell me: Did you suspect, from reading my old blog, any of what was going on in my mind? Were you surprised when I finally let on??

3rd... said...

Hi C.. thanks for the comment. I am doing better now but have had a severe flu so wasn't online for a week or so.

I am happy you seem to be getting the missing pieces of the puzzle, or maybe even all the pieces of the puzzle...
I am thinking back of whether I had expected anything while reading your blog. I must say, no, and I remember in some posts you had your 'sisterwife' or HWGF answer certain readers or comment on certain topics, which really gave an idea of unity within your family. In a way which I thought was really impressive as I am still struggling to form such a bond with my sisterwives.
By the end, there were some things that made me wonder, like why it took you so long to write down the story of how you guys became a plural family. You kept apologizing because it took you so long. But that's just looking back. At that moment I could not suspect the true reasons..

I still think you could have had a succesful relationship had your husband and sisterwife been less selfish jerks; and if they would have had the empathy and love within them to apologize and embrace all your pain and hurt and help you recover.. but from how they handled the situation, they just seem downright a-holes.