Mirror mirror on the wall...

I bet you are thinking this will be some really important post, explaining why I was gone for so long. I wish I could say something really interesting and wise and befitting someone spiritual, but I was mainly busy trying to wrap my mind around the whole Twilight mania. Yeah, sounds crazy. I know. But I am posting now, because I think I finally figured it out.

So what triggered my temporary OCD? I stumbled across the partial draft of Midnight Sun, and of course things like ‘leaked out to the internet’ and ‘unfinished’ caught my interest so I decided to read it. I was soon totally intrigued by the story and finished reading the draft in a day, feeling totally unsatisfied as I knew nothing about Twilight I had no idea what happened next so I set out to read the book and then watch the movie. Honestly I thought the story in Midnight Sun which is written from Edward’s perspective was way more interesting than the published one which is written from Bella’s perspective, but still that one was fascinating as well. So eventually I read all the books, watched the second movie as well which just came out and was desperately trying to figure out what about this story was so captivating.

If you are still blissfully unaware of the Twilight world, this post may make no sense at all, but I am too lazy to try and explain the plot. Mainly because explaining the plot really doesn’t explain anything, it just makes me sound more crazy for even typing this up.

For those of you that happen to know Twilight. I am interested in what you guys think of my theory.

Ok, so why does it seem to be so that all x-chrom population melts at this story? And I am by now a fan as well by the way. I mean it’s basically a book for teenagers, but the moms are avid readers as well, and even the girls/women in between these two groups love it.
I watched some interviews and clips on the net, of moms saying that it’s a book they approve of since it basically promotes abstinence and true love instead of the casual s.ex which seems to be the norm nowadays. And young girls are screaming ‘Edward’s just so hot’. Well, he’s not, he is a freakin vampire, they are dead cold. I think the moms are lying and I think the girls just have no idea what it is that’s so attractive about the story.

I think every single one of us x-chrom’s is just dying to be as important to someone as Bella is to both Edward and Jacob. I mean these are two abnormally strong, ridiculously handsome, young men who will die to be with her. Edward will deny his most basic and strong desires of thirst, he will risk his family, himself, because he simply can’t stay away from her. She is the center of his world, he obsesses about her constantly, and I mean constantly because the boy doesn’t sleep so he even watches her at night - is overly protective.
I’d say having an awesome guy act that way gives a woman the ultimate validation of her greatness. To have someone so amazing as Edward’s character marvel at ourselves, isn’t that like the ultimate rush? And then not just him. Jacob, the werewolf, the incredibly buff Native American, utterly loyal, and gorgeous, is just as Edward. He will go against his pack to protect her and be with her. Even when she chooses Edward..
And the moms with their ‘I like it because it advocates abstinence..” I mean, for real? They make love alright in the last book. He rips the headboard in order to channel the emotions. Surely that wasn’t a tiny bit interesting to moms? Not any of the moms sighed at this point and drifted away in their imagination wishing their husband had some of that passion to share?
Or the fact that both Jacob and Edward seem to carry Bella around for miles whenever she is tired or exhausted. Not one of those moms thought of how nice it would be if their husband had some of that strength and devotion for them?

So my point is.. I think these books just give the ultimate rush to us women. The male interests are just ideal. Strong, loyal, handsome, passionate, but at the same time just completely and unconditionally in love. I think every woman wants to be able to capture the mind, imagination and the heart of man to such an extent. Having that gives us our own proof that we really are incredibly amazing, as all of us secretly believe..
I am grateful to the books that they made me realize this. It's like I understand a part of me now, some part of a certain craving..

And I do like the fact that the books promote true unconditional love, marital s.ex, and loyalty. I like all of those things. But like the really absorbing thing is just the full devotion Edward and Jacob have for Bella I’d say. Thoughts? Anyone offended? I hope not. :)

Peanuts and time travel

Sometimes time flies.. and I notice I haven't written in weeks. I was sick for some days, stayed home in bed with fever and was feeling so weak that even getting up to get a glass of water seemed like an enormous effort. It made me think about how we tend to take our health for granted and how precious it is. It's a shame we don't realize how wonderful it is to be healthy when we feel well. Unimportant and insignificant things tend to occupy our mind and we start to believe life is hard..when it's really all peanuts.

So, about peanuts..4th..never emailed me again and never said a word about her feelings and all, and whatever. I am being polite and considerate where I would want others to be considerate with me and I hope God sees and approves.

I downloaded The Time Traveler's Wife some days ago and I loved it. That movie is absolutely wonderful. And hereby I am officially recommending it to the world. Great acting, wonderful script, awesome images.. It made me reflect on how much I actually love my loved ones and how grateful I am for having people in my life that love me. It really is a gift from God to have people in our life that love us. I even felt like giving my dad a hug and that’s a big thing. :)
So how are you doing?

I told you so

4th is doing much better..
and as I expected I am back on the list of people that are to be forgotten

We emailed back and forth after my initial reply to her message. The last communication was from my side; I sent her an email, just before she spoke with Mr.Hubby, telling her that we’ve all had moments in which we feel it is too much and that she should not think it is just her.
Mr.Hubby and her spent some evenings talking afterwards. And now she is all upbeat and laughing and hysterical and I haven’t heard from her since. She hasn’t bothered to email anymore or say anything concerning her feelings now or that she is doing better.. It’s like I do not exist.
First I thought that maybe she would reply after some days.. but nope, not a word.

Obviously this is something which I expected and I also expected that I would feel as I do now. However I am happy that I was not to blame for her wanting to leave, as I wouldn’t want to have to carry that burden. Also I am happy that I did not get sucked into investing more of my time and energy in this. I already feel like a fool now, I would have felt way worse had I really opened my arms to comfort her.

I keep reminding myself that it really doesn’t matter what she does or does not do, and that I should just busy myself with trying to be a good person in the best and most true way I am able to.

Boss Baby considers leaving

Yup, you read it right.. she sent out a message to all of us saying she is seriously considering leaving. Mr.Hubby already knew of her feelings, but I was really surprised, we all were.

Why she is considering leaving? I guess the short version would be that she can’t cope with all the problems that come with the territory. She grew up with the regular fairy tale image of happily ever after, one man one wife, everyone in her family seems to be very happy and joyful in their marriage, her newlywed sister being the main reason for feelings of envy I guess. She gets guys drooling all over her, making very nice proposals, so I guess that sense of gravitation towards a different life is pulling on her so much that she is considering stepping out. Her letter was quite emotional. She said she is sorry and ashamed for feeling this way, but she can't help it. And that she is so negative and angry and frustrated and just doesn't know what to do.

Mr.Hubby’s response is that he will support her in anything she decides to do. He is not making an effort to convince her to stay, not because he does not want her to, I think he truly does, but because he feels the decision should be hers 100%. So he did not get upset and said she needs to decide for herself..
I imagine that she actually wants him to react more emotionally and ask her not to leave, to get that reassurance that she is being loved and needed. And now that he is not giving her that, the decision to stay may be even harder. Mr.Hubby is aware of this, we talked about it, but he really does not want any blame on convincing her to remain married if it really isn’t something she chooses and chooses for the right reasons – e.g. faith, not him.

2nd and 1st were like ‘well she should sort it out herself’. I replied to the message and asked her whether any part of her feeling this way was due to the relationship between the two of us. She said that the main issue is her relationship with Mr.Hubby and just to some extent our relationship - the main problem being that she feels we do not share anything anymore, that the friendship is not there.

Well here I was presented with a dilemma on what to reply. Like a test of where I am with my faith. I guess as a really good believer, I would open up my arms and be that friend to her, comfort her, reassure her that Mr.Hubby loves her, let her share her pain to ease the burden of it..
But I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. And why? Because I am quite sure that once she figures things out and is all happy with Mr.Hubby again, she will forget all about me. I wrote her about my conflicted feelings on this and told her that I just feel like I can’t be that friend to her.

I was in a very low point in the beginning of her relationship with Mr.Hubby, not because of their relationship, but there was this sh!tload of problems I was dealing with, and her main concerns were whether she had enough time with Mr.Hubby, whether they went out to the movies, whether he came home on time. I was hoping for a friend and all I got from her were complaints, and accusations and jealosy.

I reminded her of that, and told her I do not want to leave her out in the cold like she left me, but that I do feel that maybe by letting her figure it out by herself she will learn something.

She answered that she does not agree and never has agreed about her letting me down as a friend, and that she did not feel like going into that topic. So she ended the letter by saying she will let me know once she makes her decision.

Mr.Hubby read the communication we exchanged and said that what I wrote was alright.. I am having mixed feelings. Should I feel more empathy for her? You see, I feel like she lacked empathy so much for all this time that right now I feel quite cold about her pain. I mean.. I feel bad about feeling so little. Any thoughts?

Open Mic

There's been different topics on my mind .. things I have wanted to write about but didn't. Like the fact that autumn is here once more and I am waiting for the colors to change and the world to enter into shades of wonderful yellow, deep red, brown, green and purple. I am excited about the amazing images which will be presented to me soon when I step outside my home.. There are certain memories from my childhood, moments, in which I felt so much awe for the beauty of nature, I did my best to imprint them in my brain. I remember seeing a star filled sky during a summer night when I was four or five and thinking I *have* to remember this forever. Or sunsets while coming back from school..incredible sunsets, filling the sky with colors in such a miraculous fashion, made me want to die on the spot.

But also I wanted to write and ask you about what it means be friends to someone? And whether men and women can be friends? Isn’t there some form attraction lurking in the corner always? And if you allow yourself to really love a male-friend, will that transform into love that’s different, not meant for friends?
Mr.Hubby says that's the case. He says that keeping a distance is necessary between men and women. Before I start sribbling down my own thoughts and ideas on this, I just wanted to ask what do you guys think?

Picture perfect

The last post raised some questions, and I have been thinking about what you asked - whether I'd prefer monogamy with Mr.Hubby if it were an option.. SoI tried to imagine my fairy tale life so to say..so I could give you an honest answer.

So here goes my picture perfect:

I’d be married to Mr.Hubby, and he’d be a ten year younger version of himself but absolutely with the same wisdoms, characteristics, personality (e.g. maturity level) which he has now.. I would have sisterwives which would truly be like sisters to me. I think I’d like to have two, and they’d be in about the same age range as I. We would be true friends and I’d love them as I love my own sister.

We’d all have kids, and none of the them would be older than four. Each one of the wives would take turns in running daycare for the kids. And once the kids would grow older we might chose to home school them.

We would live in adjacent homes, with a big communal living and kitchen so we could have our dinners together. We’d have two days with Mr.Hubby each, so everyone would be with him in the weekends eventually.

My day would look something like this: Getting the kids ready, if it were my turn to babysit, I would obviously be doing that until it were time to start preparing dinner. On other days I would start my day by going to the gym to keep everything nice and toned, then run errands, rest some (especially if it were my day with hubby so I would be refreshed when he came home), go to the salon to get properly waxed in all the necessary places, chat or meet with my sisterwives and other friends and family, prepare dinner, preferably together with another sisterwife.. I am still undecided whether I would like to cook, but I would definitely master the skill of making sweets and jummy cookies and all. So the kids would think I am such a cool mom and auntie and they’d sneak into my kitchen to steal something. I’d always pretend not to notice.
We would all have dinner together and it would be a big and messy but most importantly warm family. After dinner, the necessary cleaning and getting kids to bed, my evening would depend on whether Mr.Hubby were with me that day or not.

If it were my day:
With Mr.Hubby being away for some days, having him home again would make me look forward to it. I would make sure to take a short shower, and have the diligence to slip into something nice like a nightgown (instead of my shorts and stuff which I wear now). I would have rested during the day so there would be no tiredness bothering me..

I’d make it my personal objective to make Mr.Hubby loose himself fully and loudly under me.. I’d give him and myself the opportunity to rest for some hours after which I would ask him to kindly return the favor. After this there would be time to talk and reflect about whatever happened to be on our mind.

If it weren’t my day with him:
I would use the evenings for spiritual readings, contemplation, writing, painting, meeting with the sisterwife who was also by herself that day, in the weekends maybe arrange sleepovers for all the kids while me and the other sisterwife indulge in some delicious ice-cream all the while reassuring one another that we deserved it and that it wouldn’t ruin our thighs..

My family and friends would know about my lifestyle, and would learn to accept it. They would come over occasionally and sometimes my kids would go over to them and have sleepovers with their cousins.

I would feel safe and protected within my family unit, and we would be united by a bond of trust and love.

….

And I would maybe ask Mr.Hubby to make love to me a third time again..

….

Yeah. That’s my picture perfect.

And it really isn’t impossible to reach. I mean, I couldn’t have a Mr.Hubby be ten years younger, but let’s say I would be with a different man, spiritual and kind just as Mr.Hubby and two nice sisterwives. They are out there, I have met some of them..
But:
1.

Living this life, and then dying, would result in what? I mean, what would that mean for my spiritual development? Having nice sisterwives and a life which doesn’t confront me with anything within me, would result into what exactly?
2.

I am no way near this perfection myself. I am not as perfect towards Mr.Hubby nor towards my sisterwives as I would want to be. My own pride and pettiness hold me down. So instead of expecting them to change to my liking I might better try and change myself. Their change may follow naturally..

So this is why I say gems are hidden in all the problems. They are opportunities for me to learn to be that better person, the one which trusts, loves, shows kindness, and generosity, and humility to others..

The world on a silver platter

Why are all cab drivers here so nuts? First I wanted to believe it was all just a coincidence, but no..I can’t keep justifying.. they are way crazy...
We just came back from a mall – me and colleague – and took a cab. So the driver decides to share his vision of the country with us.

“You see, I tell you, this country, is all upside down. Here women are like bosses.... I am telling you now, I see many things here in these years… Everything is about women here! A man cheats, she will smack his head to break it now and its ok. But if a woman cheats, he may kiss her on the knees to beg her to forgive him that he found out! I am telling you..”
.

Me and my colleague are cracking up on the back seat

.

“It is true. Whenever women become bosses the country goes upside down. You see it here. Man has to wash the dishes while woman goes out with her friends! I see them here in the night. They are all wasted on the backseat. They shove the beer down their throat worse than men..”

Crazy…

Anyway; I am travelling for work now. It’s been an interesting time so far. From a professional perspective it’s been really good, and this has been the first trip for me without any of my local colleagues. I met the international ones here, but was basically by myself. Which I prefer because it gives more opportunity to be alone. Otherwise there are always too many social activities for which you kind of need to show up..

Now I met one of these international colleagues already on one of my previous trips. I did remember meeting him but didn’t know his name anymore. I guess during the last trip we just exchanged a few words, nothing special. Se here, he came up to me to say hi and still knew my name..( I thought that was really impressive, since you tend to meet so many people in these trips). We chatted a bit and that was that. I mean it was pleasant but really quite short.

.
One of the evenings, I came back to my room after a dinner with some customers and then saw a small bag there with my name on it. In it was just a souvenir from this guy’s home country (about 20 hours by plane from where I live!) and a simple note stating something like ‘a small gift from my country, enjoy” signed with his name.

.
So I sat on the bed thinking, now what does this gesture mean? I figured the best thing would be to send a message thanking for the gift, to be polite. It has happened before that some guy showed interest but always in such annoying ways. I really dislike it when you notice that a guy always walks up to talk to you when he spots you. At a certain point you just look for ways to stay out of sight. And then they try to make jokes and somehow ask questions to understand 1) if you are in a relationship and then 2) if its serious. It’s all always too obvious even when it’s meant to be hidden, and it’s just generally really annoying.

.
But this was different. This guy had always kept a professional, but kind attitude, and this gesture was not too intruding either. It was actually polite and respectful and that was nice.
I received a nice reply to my message, saying he hoped I liked it. I saw him during the day again and thanked him again for the souvenir. We chatted about some work-related things. I asked him at the end if he bought that souvenir here or if it was really from his home country, so he said ‘no really I brought it in my country’.

Now, that puzzled me. I am thinking that he had someone else in mind when he bought it, but that for some reason it didn’t work out and then he decided to give it to me. The other scenario could be that he really bought it with the intention to give it to me, but that just seems so unlikely.

We had dinner with a group of colleagues later in the week and he was there as well. It was a really nice evening, one of the more relaxed ones I have had so far. Usually you have to work quite hard to keep the conversation alive, but this evening was actually nice by itself. And during this dinner this colleague shared that he has a wife and kids and that then puzzled me even more.

I shared all of this with Mr.Hubby and he said that a lot of people cheat on these trips, with each other – this is true, I know a few colleagues who indeed did this. So Mr.Hubby says that he probably wanted to see if he had a chance with me. Mr.Hubby was by the way really relaxed about it. He said ‘Look at it this way, you’re still hot’.
LOL

But this whole thing made me think and gave me this feeling..a feeling that in front of me lies the option to chose a life of luxury and ease. A husband which you can present to the world, a life without hiding, without difficult sisterwives, a life with stability. And it’s there, for me to just chose and take. Such an odd feeling- like a sense of gravity that’s pulling my heart in that direction.

I sat in silence for a bit visualizing the real life in front of me. The life after this life, its endlessness and the choice which I am making for that life. And slowly the sense of gravitation towards all of this started to fade away.

Polygyny is a conscious choice. I guess like any marriage is a conscious choice sometimes. And maybe it would be better if it were a conscious choice every day. I will be going back home soon. New rounds of arguments, distrust and problems await, I am sure. But all of them give the opportunity for submission, humility, goodness, love, reconciliation. In all of them lie hidden gems. If I were only able to see these things while in the middle of things..

Society as our ultimate trap

Sometimes you have those days or moments when certain things click in your mind in a way in which they didn't click before. Like you knew them, but all of a sudden it seems someone turned on the light and now you really see it clearly.

I had a similar feeling about the way our modern society looks like. Things I may have written about before, but the absurdity of some things just really dawned on me.

I am sure that all the women reading this will agree that if you want to lose some weight you shouldn’t go to the grocery store while hungry. It’s best to go when you’ve just eaten because otherwise you will succumb to the temptation and just buy (and eventually eat) all kinds of junk. If you really want to lose weight and then keep that size it is best to eat plenty but healthy and to exercise of course.

Now it is so clear that we do not want to eat junk. We want to eat healthy food. We want to lose weight or maintain a certain weight. Yet so many of us keep falling back and eating junk or sweets or fat food. And when a new day comes a new intention is made and we try to overcome our weaknesses and keep our promise to ourselves.

I wrote earlier about the difference between men and women and I shared my thoughts on how men are much more s.exually oriented than women. I’d say you may compare a man’s s.exual needs to those of a big hungry lady..
Ok, I said it jokingly, but I think the principle applies. I think men are just hungry for s.ex, more so than women. In general of course, I know some women are different than others. I dare to bet though that in an average marriage the man is the one who usually wants to have more and is often left feeling frustrated.

Now we are living in a society in which monogamy is the norm. And all women are walking around half naked. Women compete in looking hot, and all over in all forms of media, s.ex and enticing things are thrown in our face, or are very easily accessible (like p0rn).
But men are supposed to be monogamous.
So they walk around like a big fat lady who is trying to diet. What happens.. she ends up eating fast food in her car secretly – she stuffs it all down her throat and then drives home feeling miserable and like a failure.
And men cheat, or in many cases even visit pr0stitutes or engage in strange and pe.rverse behavior or scoop around the internet in search of ever worse forms of p0rn. And then feel ashamed and depressed even just to repeat the same thing the next time..

If we assume that the devil knows our nature and our weaknesses, and maybe for some readers this will be too much religious stuff.. but if the devil knows our weaknesses, wouldn’t this society be exactly that which serves his need, namely to just destroy all the beauty which we have in us?

There are more thoughts in my mind, but just wanted to send this one out and see how you guys think about the subject.

Blue Skies and Sunshine

Mr.Hubby got us all away for the weekend.. and then he bailed just before we were about to leave.. lol.. so it ended up being a sisterwives weekend in a city a few hours away from where we live. I figured this was the time to mend everything and decided that whatever whoever said, it would not upset me and that I would be happy go merry for the whole weekend!

And I managed!

And it was a good trip!

Everyone just relaxed..

I kept babbling about nonsense stuff

Little Rebel was not making any trouble

And now all tension seems to have left

And Mr.Hubby has been issue-free for some days

Mr.Hubby wants to use the good energy to have a family talk in which we lay issues on the table and try to come up with some ideas for how to make things easier in the future. That will probably happen somewhere in the coming days, and I will try to update you all.

Besides this there is nothing very exciting to write. You know it seems that when everything goes smoothly, it doesn't even feel like I am in polygyny. Then its just life and there is nothing strange or difficult about it. So now I am thinking 'what should I write on this blog'? And it seems there is not much to say.

Maybe if things go really well that would mean I'd stop writing completely...?

The core of things

I just read a post on CM's blog, and this part triggered some thoughts..

Other women who are in polygamous marriages for religious reasons describe spiritual benefits. I can definitely see how polygamy would force a woman to stretch and grow spiritually as she tries to rid herself of the negative emotions and behaviors that are bound to arise. I am fairly certain everyone will concede that women have to develop charity, love, unselfishness, forgiveness, and many other saintly attributes in order to live polygamy successfully. I also can envision how this lifestyle would motivate a woman to turn to God often for His divine help, love, and understanding as she struggles with all that is involved in sharing a husband. However, I am not sure I consider these items real "benefits" but instead I consider them to be beneficial results from living a hard situation.

You see, I find the spiritual benefits really the only real benefits, in anything, whether it be polygyny or life in general.. what else is there?

Being unselfish, caring, forgiving, humble etc. isn’t that the best thing we all could aspire to? Sometimes I feel so sad that these values are not held in a high esteem any more. And I am not making a reference to CM here, as I know she is a wonderful person and does value these things in people. I am talking in general. I mean there used to be something as knighthood in which values such as chivalry, defending the weak and helpless and being generous were held in high esteem. Very few attained these values, but they were perceived as important and people who reached some of them were respected. Nowadays gaining material riches is the highest goal it seems.

I was taught in school that what distinguishes humans from animals is reason, the ability to think about oneself and reflect upon oneself. And I have come to disagree with this notion. A child predator has reason, a rapist has reason, all these people think, reflect, make very elaborate plans on how to achieve their objectives in a way in which no animal could, yet they are animals. They are animals because they are not humane.

It is our ability to be humane which truly makes us human.

And being humane is really hard. Its like our heart is pure humanity but its covered with weed of jealousy, envy, vain, greed and all the other bad characteristics.

And isn’t the best goal in life to get rid of those dirty things within ourselves and let that best of character which is in us to fully flourish? So we may all be like stars of goodness on this planet?

the rollercoaster

I was gone for work to a different country. Mr.Hubby and I kept in touch during that time, and I texted him when I was boarding the flight home, and when I landed. But it so happened that he hadn’t turned on his phone for two days.. he is not sure why he forgot about it. So he was oblivious to the fact that I landed.
I went home, went to bed, jetlagged, slept for six hours straight then all of a sudden he entered the room. All surprised to find me there, he blamed me for not making him aware of the fact that I was home. That resulted in an argument.

Then he figured 1st would be steaming by then since she wasn’t able to reach him for two days straight, he went away without resolving anything with me and had a major fight there.

The next day it was my turn and he came to me. I was really pissed off, but we talked about it and then all was fine again.

He decided to go over to 2nd’s home and stay the night there the next day. She still is not on the schedule so he goes there a few times a week. Since she is not on the schedule by her own request he planned on sleeping on the sofa in the living room, which totally upset her, and they spent that night and the next day in full blown arguments. 2nd called 4th up afterwards to pour her heart out about the pain she’s in and how she feels, resulting in 4th having an argument with Mr.Hubby on 2nd’s behalf two days later, adding to the argument some of her own issues.

Then again my night came, and due to some changes to the schedule 4th’s day was the next day and we have this agreement that breakfast time he’s at the wife’s home whose day it is. He was quite exhausted and slept in a bit and was I’d say half an hour later than usual, when 4th started ringing my doorbell continuously as a lunatic. Till I opened up in my pj’s asking what was the matter, I found a straight from the hood attitude in front me asking me if we forgot it was her day. I told her he is coming down now, at which she left in full fury. They ended up having this major fight, stuff was thrown around the home apparently, she fully lost it, and he fully lost it.

Afterwards 4th called 2nd to now return the favor and pour her heart out at which 2nd ended up having a fight with Mr.Hubby on 4th’s behalf, adding some of her own pain and problems to the table as well obviously.

So if anyone is wondering why it always takes me a while to post stuff it’s because there is always a lot going on and often I am exhausted. Because even if I am not present at all these arguments I get to talk about the issues with Mr.Hubby or with one of the other wives…

There is no particular reason why I decided to write this down. I think it’s important for you guys to know I am not forgetting about the blog, and I think it’s important for men wanting polygyny to know what the drawbacks are.

Bygones attack

You know the memories that keep popping up? Even when you agreed with yourself that you should just let bygones be bygones?
I get them sometimes, and they upset my mood. I am about to get to that week of the month in which my mood is not optimal anyway, and now some memories knock on my door, and before I can even really decide whether to let them in, they are already there in my face…staring at me...forcing me to stare back.

Like this one time; 4th invited to me over to her home, with Mr.Hubby. Her home back then was kinda small with the bedroom attached to the living room without a door, just a doorway. The atmosphere was fine, I sat on the floor, facing her bedroom, we were drinking tea. They were discussing something, I wasn’t part of the conversation, so I looked around the home and noticed next to her bed a bottle of massage oil, a hand wash bottle, folded underneath it a bedspread. And then I remembered Mr.Hubby telling me to buy a hand wash bottle to put olive oil in it to use during lovemaking, and me telling him no since it would just be odd to have such a thing in my bedroom with sisterwives and kids in my home regularly.
And then I felt my heart sink in, and I was thinking to myself what response to this situation would God be most pleased with. The folded bedspread was to prevent stains I figured.. and I sat there thinking why she left that in plain sight when she knew I was coming over?

And this other time when we were visiting her again, and she left the stuff out there more than once, anyway, Mr.Hubby kissed her goodbye in front of me, which not one of us ever does, and she just gave me this big smile and said goodbye as if it was our regular routine, I was a bit perplexed and silent and before we got into the car Mr.Hubby told me he had to go to 1st there was an emergency, and he left, without any kiss, and I am till this day quite sure that was a lie and that he eventually went back to 4th that day.

And there are other things that linger in the back of my head, pop up, I say I want to move on, and then they leave, just to come back some time later. Some of them are related to 4th others to the rest. They affect my mood. Bring some kind of dark cloud over me. Mr.Hubby always tells us we should leave the past in the past. I respect that because I see that he really does that. He never brings old things up, even if it really bothered him when it happened. I am not sure what would really make me let I rest for real.. any thoughts?

The pursuit of happiness and true goals

I have small eyes today. Very small eyes, and they burn as well.. I stayed up till way too late with Mr.Hubby, talking talking, and some love-making, and talking.. and so I slept little.

Talking with Mr.Hubby is the best.

I love it.

I’ll write down some stuff – all of it would be too much..

The most important thing for me was that we talked about the fact that I find life boring sometimes. There are things that interest me and make me happy, but overall I find it quite meaningless to wake up every day and work and run a household, and repeat a routine. I think that it might change when I become a mom, because being responsible for kids will make me want to face every new day, but the worst thing would be if I became a mom and I’d still experience a sense of purposelessness. I am really yearning for some spiritual nearness, something real.
Mr.Hubby said that I could be compared to Little Rebel if he were asking about what it means to be a dad. He’d think it means paying bills, or having a wife, or playing with kids, while the whole concept of carrying the responsibility of fatherhood is something which is too vague for him to grasp. Mr.Hubby said he thinks I have read a lot about spirituality so that my gaze is fixed on that horizon which makes me forget what I need to do to get there. I just keep staring to that distance and am oblivious to my inability to carry it.

I asked him what it was that I needed to focus on right now, and he said ‘being aware of God’s presence in your life at all times, in good and in bad. Being aware of His Will over all things.’ He said it’s such an easy thing to say, but a very difficult thing to practice and that not one of us can be granted any trusts until we prove we can carry His Will. Otherwise we are bound to make the same mistake the devil made when he was still in paradise and was unwilling to accept Adam. He opposed Devine Will in a split second, and that was enough to get him thrown out of Devine Presence to be cursed forever more. Now we oppose Devine Will all the time. So how can we be let into that Devine Presence in such a state…

Yeah… I am far away from servanthood.

But a lot of things click in my mind right now. Like people in nice suits and bright cufflinks that seem very respectable, but just become terrible while in traffic. So much anger and animosity comes from people in such small moments when another person behaves in a way that is unexpected or deemed wrong.. Yet we uphold this image of civilization, of good behavior. Even to ourselves.
And it makes sense why people can become monsters in monstrous situations, like those of war or when they are simply given the power or possibility to be in that way.

Mr.Hubby said that we are placed here on earth with a yearning for paradise, we are originally creatures of paradise, that is our home, not this life. Our souls have a deep yearning for it. And we sense that, we have a feeling of emptiness and longing here in this life. And since our reality is veiled to us and we do not remember our origins, we look around thinking ‘maybe having this or that will make me happy, maybe being married will make me happy, maybe being single will make me happy, maybe doing yoga will give me that inner peace’. We are in continuous search of fulfillment and it is not to be found in anything earthly. Not in a truly lasting way at least.

This life is more like a big cleaning exercise. All the weed growing around our hearts which is making us impure needs to be cut away. So that we may be deserving of our grants. And not be deceived like Adam and Eve were deceived to disobey just one simple order ‘not to eat from that tree’. All of paradise was available to them and was made lawful to them. All of it; and it must have been splendid. Just one, such simple rule, and they were bound to disobey it.

So we are put in hardships, sickness comes to us, people hurt us, we experience loss, tragedies, just to make us to bow down. And if we do not manage in this life, we are cleaned further in the grave, and then if needed during the Day of Resurrection, and then if still needed in Hell.

I am praying to get there in this life. But I keep getting upset about everything that happens which bothers me. I have moments in which I can brush everything off my shoulders and say ‘He knows best and I am happy’ and in those moments everything opens up and goes my way. However most of the time I just keep battling people and keep battling life. Keep getting upset about how everyone behaves..

I am hoping that by writing this down I will remember my goals better. Maybe read back once in a while as a reminder. So this piece of text is as much for myself as it is for you guys.

What's emancipation in the end?

I am not sure if you guys noticed but I posted a message on my chatbox on the blog that I was unable to open the Married1234 blog.. now the same thing has been happening with my own blog, with Minty's blog and some other sites.. It's weird. I open the website, the content shows, and then all of a sudden I get kicked off, from my own site even.

Sorry for the delay in my posts, right now I am at work and here I managed to stay connected. Not sure how I will resolve this issue.

What's new with you guys?

I will tell you my news:
I have a nice tan.
I closed off my fiscal year, and earned a nice bonus.
Wearing flats today so life is easy.
Sisterwives seem to be content.
Tonight I am planning on eating New York Super Fudge Chunck...
I watched Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and seem to be the only person who actually really liked it (BumbleBee is great).

Some days ago I watched Pride and Prejudice. I am not sure what it is with us women and romantic stories.. We love them. And to be honest I think that even the angry feminists, you know the ones that insist on changing the tyre themselves, secretly love them..I bet they close the curtains and watch the movies in secret.
It’s nice to watch a romantic movie and just for a moment enter that pinky world where all ends well. And you know I realized that there is a whole range of things that cater to that need of women for a world of true and unconditional love in relationships – songs, movies, books, magazines, home accessories… Any romantic product will have women as main customer base. And the funny thing is that race or culture really do not matter. It’s like a universal female weak spot.. It starts with fairy tales, and when we get older we move more towards love stories. Though I saw an interview with a publisher of those romance novels saying they have a vast range of women among their clients not just housewives as people tend to think, but highly-paid working women as well.

Then I started thinking of men, men don’t seem to get it. Mr.Hubby usually falls asleep when I make him watch a soppy love-story, even if it’s a romantic comedy, which I think is an attempt of the industry to make these movies interesting for men as well. Maybe in India the men are different, their movies seem to be full of unrealistic love-stories, I’d say the market is so big that it can’t be just women who watch them.

But in general men are much more interested in se.x. The se.x industry has men as their #1 customer. And when you really try to put things in perspective, like the vastness, the enormity of it, I find it scary. Yeah my friends always joke about how men just watch p0rn, and that it’s a fact of life.. but I think that’s downsizing the issue.
There is tons of money spent on magazines, calendars, p0rn (and this comes in such varying degrees with stuff that is just plain disgusting like se.x with animals), websites, str!pclubs, call g!rils, b0ud0ires.. Business men regularly order pr0stitues when on business trips, and I remember one time a few male friends from my college showed me this street in the city we studied in where it was full with the her0ine addicted h00kers, now these women do not look like women any more, they are skinny, without teeth, they wear dirty clothes, and just look like death is around the corner.. the guys drove me there to show me how men in BMW 5 series and other high class cars went there and picked the women up. I just couldn’t believe that a man with plenty of money would want to have se.x with one of those of women but it was undeniably true.

Now I didn’t even go into how many women experience se.xual abuse in their life, and how many girls experience it in their youth, often from men in their family. And there is tons of other stuff out there in terms of se.xually deviant behaviours and child predators etc.

If you try and put the whole set of behaviors into one big picture, you have to admit that men and women are just totally different. That notion, which was developed in the sixties and the seventies that men and women were equal, that our bodies differed a bit, but that our minds were the same, is just so wrong. We are as opposite as we could possibly be.
That was a line of thinking with which equality was defended. While being equal in worth really doesn’t mean that we have to be the same.. Real emancipation according to me is when we are allowed all our differences and are still valued as much as the other party. A woman should be able to be feminine and succeed in her career still. Forcing women to be masculine and tough, and forcing men to be monogamous is just blowing our world up. We're creating societies in which women feel unfulfilled and men are leading double-lives..

How restraint is a blessing

I got this awesome piece of text in my mailbox.. the author isn't mentioned, but I couldn't deprive you of it.

We pray to our Lord to lift the heaviness off our hearts: and no one can lift those burdens except He Alone. Nowadays , huge industries have been built up whose only function is to provide diversion and amusement for people. Indeed, most industry falls under this category: the product that sells is not simply the one that fulfills a need, but the one that diverts people from the awareness of their misery – thus, television , videos, sports cars, fashions, games, etc. etc. are the new necessities of life.

All of these products of diversion have to compete with each other to gain their portion of the market, thus, another huge industry: Advertising. So, as we drive through the streets, beautiful people with clean white smiles come to meet us from their billboards and testify that , if only we buy such – and – such a product, we will look as good as they do, and always be surrounded by other beautiful people. The same is true of television ads: all are happy and laughing people.

But he to who God has granted penetrating vision may observe that these people are smiling the ‘smile of the skeleton’, the smile which always appears on skulls: all is just show, inside of themselves they are empty. What people call pleasure is only a kind of forced enjoyment.

Very young people may perhaps really feel enjoyment, as everything new is tasteful, but as they continue on this way, more and more they feel boredom setting in, that pleasure becoming but a routine. As a result they go further and further on the same way, to see if they can outrace the shadow of routine that makes all pleasures tasteless. Though they cannot win this race, they keep on running, progressing towards extremes of stimulation, but still feeling no pleasure. This disappointment and the consequent misery result from the mistaken assumption that ‘more is better’. For example, a spoonful of honey is sweeter than a cupful which will only make you sick. But because the philosophy of endless greed is now the common creed, people think that finding a beehive would be their greatest fortune. How wrong they are!

Oh people who claim to possess understanding, you must understand that Your Lord has placed a hindrance before the fulfillment of some of your desires only for your own good, not because He enjoys depriving you of something good. If something is prohibited by religion it is only because that so-called pleasure is a trap to catch you into suffering

Back at last

Yes guys, I am back.. it's been a long pauze. I needed some time after coming home to get back into the daily routine. And then tons of mail waited for me at work. I managed to get rid of most of it. And now everything seems to be going smoothly.

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I have decided to leave 4th with her issues and not be bothered by them too much. After having had a good talk with Mr.Hubby I told him I could really let it all be, but that I needed to make sure he wasn't affected by the things she does or says. As long as he doesn't buy into whatever twisted stories she tells, why would I bother?

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So we agreed that I'd tell my side of whatever issue pops up in the future and leave it up to him to do whatever he thinks is right. I'll try! :)

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He said, and I agree, nobody ever truly gains any understanding when they are scolded or cornered. They might bow down, but inside they build up resentment. So he proposes to try and explain why it's wrong, and I told him that's his job. :)

Holiday

Guys I left for holidays a few weeks ago and didnt get the chance to let you all know.. so from a sunny country I am writing this quick note to let you all know Ill be back here in two weeks or so.. :)

Having a blast

The curse of text messages

I just totally told off 4th. I tried and tried to just keep my mouth shut, or actually to keep my fingers shut since it was a text-message thing.. Oh, the time when there were no cell phones.. how sweet must polygyny have been in those days!!!

I am so fed up with her. Gosh!!

Wouldn't it be great if you could just put a specific person on ignore in your cell, so you wouldn't receive their messages if you wouldn't want to? Or maybe some new high-tech phones offer such functionality? Please let me know if they do, it's worth the investment, I tell you that.

So she has been whining about how she doesn't trust me or Mr.Hubby, because, DRUMROLL.. she has been lied to too often. And deceived too often..and now she feels it's only understandable that she checks his phone and reads his messages, and then not only that, but tells me she knows the details because he told her everything, and tells him she knows because I told her everything..

The thing that pi$$es me off the most is that she actually believes that she is the one who's the victim, who is being treated unfairly. I turned off my phone during the whole evening just to protect myself from my own bluntness and harshness. At the end I turned it on again, and there they were, the self-pity texts, about how she wants to be different, but it's just too hard, and she can't cope... eventually I texted her listing up all the deceit and lies (the major ones at least) I got from her, and other people in the family got from her, and told her to get over her whiney self, and stop with the self-pity.

At this moment I feel relieved to have said all what was in my head. I always do when people bother me. I am so unable to be diplomatic. I wouldn't be a good diplomat. If I were a diplomat for the US I'd probably tell Israel and Palestine to make peace right away or otherwise we'd bomb the hell out of them. Ok, I wouldn't really.. I am just writing off frustration right now.

I am sure tomorrow I will feel shitty about letting my crappy alter-ego out again. Right now it feels like a relief.

Poised Heart

Various thoughts have been running through my mind in the past few days, I’m trying to get them on paper..

Hidden Sage emailed me today that the most important trait of our ego is most often the one that we are most pleased with or the one we take pride in. I have been thinking about this, and I am realizing that it really might be true.

I appreciate the peace and safety of my inner world…I am happy to be a pleasant yet poised person and that I always do my best to keep my word - which might be described as reliable or trustworthy. And now I am thinking that there might indeed be some drawbacks to these characteristics.

I think my main fear is giving my heart to people. Yes, I think that is the hardest thing for me. So being poised might actually be the result of the emotional detachment.. All the caretakers I have had in my childhood were taken from me, or I was taken from them. You know I never hugged anyone – I mean really I felt disgusted on some level to hug people … then my first boyfriend hugged me, it was such an amazing feeling. I totally gave my heart to him and he wasn’t worth it, which was a harsh experience and that’s an understatement. I never felt such desperation again.

I’ve talked to Mr.Hubby about this in the beginning of our relationship. I told him that I didn’t feel such an emotional dependency with him as I did during my first relationship. I wondered whether that was something to worry about.. but he never felt like it was. I get it now, my love for Mr.Hubby is not just insane craving for love and attention, like it was with my first love, but I wonder if I am not still shutting him out in some way, I wonder if he doesn’t deserve more than my poised and dreamy self..

I guess I deserve more than my poised self

And fear… fear is nothing else than lack of faith. Don’t you think? Who would fear to give their heart when they know that their Lord is the guardian of it? I try to keep my heart for My Lord, but what if what I am actually doing is guarding my heart safely – thus not giving it in the Hands of the Lord?

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Reflecting on past year with the blog

It's been somewhat over a year ago that I started this blog, and I have been reflecting on what it has meant for me.. Someone once gave me the advice to always reflect what a chosen path has lead you to as it will clearly tell you whether you are on the right path or not. Has it brought you nearer to your goal?

The biggest benefit from starting this blog was discovering that there are so many people out there living in polygyny and realizing that it can work. Sometimes you get stuck in your own view of life. I might think that it is absolutely not done to hug Mr.Hubby in front of a sisterwife. But is it really not done? And if another sisterwife did this, does it mean she’s being mean towards me? Probably not. So it has made me re-evaluate certain viewpoints that I just take for granted.

Reading the blogs where polygyny works as well as where it’s still a major struggle, has been insightful. I have come to appreciate Mr.Hubby’s way of handling things a lot more, and I have become more understanding of the way my sisterwives deal with their struggles.

In some ways I have formed a clearer perspective on how I think polygyny should work, instead of just trying to follow Mr.Hubby’s take on it. And I have come to realize that my main weakness lies in the extent to which I want a close bond with my sisterwives. This I think is my main struggle and the main reason why it has been so hard to become close thus far. I just don’t want it badly enough. 2nd always sais its because I am happy with my relationship with Mr.Hubby that I don’t really desire to be close friends with her and confide in her. I am not sure if that’s the real reason, but somehow I feel like it’s good enough to like each other and get along. And I have still to figure out how to get myself to take the next step and really throw my heart into the relationship with my sisterwives.

So in conclusion, I think blogging has been a good decision. I informed Mr.Hubby about my blog and let him read it a few weeks ago. He’s somewhat confused about how it all works but has found it alright so far.

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On Little Rebel and Trusting Your Lord

My third post today.. that’s what WFH does with me..makes me a Blogger addict.

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I remember what I did last weekend. I babysat “Little Rebel”, and it was his goal in life not to get his diapers changed, so he made me do some very entertaining ‘catch me if you can’ exercises. It beats the stair master. I am quite sure he’s the funniest kid ever. He tells me endless stories of which I understand absolutely nothing but I always agree 100% with his opinion, and we just happen to find Elmo the coolest dude on TV. People have problems with that opinion?.. we don’t care, Elmo rocks.

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It was a good weekend.

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And I also remember this thing I wanted to write about. I read the O magazine, I am not a regular reader, I happened to buy the copy with Michelle Obama on the cover. And there was this interesting article about people living as if there is scarcity of things. There is scarcity of time in our life so we stress to get things done, there is scarcity of love, so we suffocate our loved ones with jealousy and control, there is scarcity of money so we keep trying to get more.. And what seems to be the case, once you actually believe there is abundance, you experience abundance.

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It’s true.

When I put my best intentions forward and decide to try and really make the relationship work with my sisterwives, and they reciprocate with distrust, suspicion, accusations, I just feel like giving up. And I am sure they feel the same towards me.

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So why wouldn’t that be a way of understanding how we should act towards our Lord? He says of Himself that He is the Most Merciful, the Most Generous, the Most Kind. His Word is actually a promise to us. Then why are we always preparing for the worst, scared of losing people or things as if we can really control anything..? This attitude surely can’t please Him…

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Enjoy la musica

I'm going to be cruel and post this even though I kinda think it'll break Donald's heart

:)

Feeling Tired

I have this weird feeling of boredom today. Just full boredom. I don't know why. I should be working but I can't seem to figure out what to do next. It’s like my mind is blank right now …

I had so many things that I wanted to write about, but didn’t find the time in the past week. And now I can’t seem to remember anything.

I have been trying to figure out what happened in the past week and maybe get some of the ideas to emerge from the dark oceans in my brain, but I can’t remember that either..

No I haven’t smoked anything.

I actually get these fuzzy days regularly.

‘3rd what did you have for dinner yesterday..?’ No idea!

There is one thing though. A good friend of mine had an abortion. How awful. I feel quite sick about it. I felt very strange talking to her. I saw she was in pain emotionally as well as physically so I basically only comforted her. But I actually wanted to tell her she shouldn’t have done it, and that it was just insane to kill a life. I get tired thinking about it. It just drains me. How sick is abortion anyway.

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Polygyny Hardships

I came across another polygyny blog Polygamy411, from a first wife, Muslim family, and the story could not be more different from Megan's... Any man considering taking up a second wife, I would strongly advise you to read this blog - all its entries - as it will give you an idea of why I keep repeating that polygyny is hard, and the multiple s.exual partners really doesn't compensate for its burdens.

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Just a very tiny exceprt from a blog with numerous posts filled with similar pain and devastation:

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My calls to Alex during his nights with Carolinah went from pitiful to hateful. That is what I did every night on her nights. I left terrible, profane, abusive messages for Alex. He always answered the phone and spoke with me until my conversation went from being cordial to offensive.

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Similar things happened with 1st in the initial phase of my marriage to Mr.Hubby.. she used to call in the morning - sometimes him - sometimes me - argue over the weirdest things. Sometimes she would call during the night, sobbing on the phone.. She went through similar feelings when 2nd en 4th entered. It always made me wonder whether I needed to step out of the marriage. I was wondering whether I was really being a good believer by staying while I knew she was in such pain. And 2nd was in a lot of pain as well when I entered though she didn't call on my nights, we argued whenever we met, and she argued and screamed and yelled at Mr.Hubby as well. It just made me wonder whether this was all really meant to be.

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Mr.Hubby always said to give it time, to be understanding and forgiving for everything, to try and be sisters to each other.. He pushed us to keep communicating. He was more on top of the situation than Alex in the Polygamy411 blog. And here the role of the husband becomes very evident:

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So one evening while having a pleasant conversation with Alex, he said he would be away on a business trip for a few days. I said, Oh, OK, so you’ll be back home such and such a day. (He was scheduled to be with Carolinah for the next three nights before his business trip. So I surmised that upon his return from the three day trip, he’d be with me three nights.) To my surprise, the date he said he’d be back was like nine days later. That just didn’t add up to me…Three days with Carolinah, three days business trip, back to me. I asked, “Are you telling me that I lose my days, as you’ll be on a business trip when I’m scheduled? He said, “Yes.”
Naturally, I totally lost it, freeeeked right on out! I said, “No. After the business trip you come back here for my three days. I asked, “Are you crazy?” He said he didn’t know. He seemed very sincere. I said, “If you can’t figure out a simple schedule, you don’t need to be in polygamy.” He said he didn’t try to take my days deliberately. He just didn’t know how it was supposed to work. He said he went online to try to find out, but there wasn’t a whole lot of information out there about it. I yelled, “Well yeah, that’s because there’s not a whole lot of people out there doing it!”

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A husband needs to be on top of the situation.

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Megan's blog

I've been reading Megan's blog..and I am just amazed by the way this household works and how the wives deal with each other. It really seems too good to be true. First off what I like about her family is that they're very religious. They're Christians, and have somewhat weird rules, like women wear dresses and have long hair..which is just a bit weird, not shocking or anything.. Men can have more than one wife but they have to have the means to take care of them – cheers for that.

So Megan just decided she wanted to live in a polygynous family, and she’s 18. Can’t really grasp why she came to this conclusion at this age, but her blog suggests her childhood has been rough, her dad is in jail and she feels her life now is wonderful compared to what she came from.

She came in contact with her current family through online forums or something similar, and they invited her over to stay with them and meet the family and after three weeks she married the hubby Steve. Steve is in his forties and has a first wife also in her forties, a second wife who’s 28 and now Megan. Something about being 18 and taking such a huge step, after a few weeks, made me feel wary of this whole story.. but Megan writes about Steve asking her is she was sure and asking her to think things through, first and second wife asking her if she really wanted this and that she did not need to do anything she wasn’t sure of, the pastor assuring her she needed not to rush into this, and that she could get married now but have her night with Steve in the future… Ok, so I believe all these people have good intentions..

There’s more amazing stuff to be read there, I won’t give you a summary of everything, but the way they deal with intimacy just leaves me speechless:

Megan gets married to Steve, nice ceremony, second wife even sows the dress for her.. Then Megan has her wedding night. They do make love, and Steve is a 100% gentleman according to Megan, then in the morning first wife brings them breakfast in bed. Now, I just can’t imagine this ever happening in my life, or me even wanting this to happen. Amazing first wife if you ask me. First wife and second wife even tell Megan that it is normal for Steve to spend some extra time with her now since she just entered the marriage, so she gets several nights in a row.. They ask her if she is all right, she only had a very brief and unfortunate experience before with a guy and is basically still a virgin. Second wife even gives tips.. (Mind-blowing)
Steve one night after dinner gives Megan the eye and they retreat to the bedroom.. and everyone knows why.. when they come back second wife jokes and asks if they had a nice chat…

I really think this is good family, with a good husband and great wives, I just don’t get how they do this. I think if Mr.Hubby gave 4th the eye at dinner I’d be insulted. And if he gave me the eye in front of others I’d be inhibited..

How come these wives don’t feel any awkwardness when it comes to intimacy?!

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Update from the front line

Sooo... the major, possibly life-threatening, do-or-die, the world is upside down, it might come tumbling down, DECISION - has been taken.

1st gets one day and the other day is for me and 4th. We can decide whether we want three days in a row in one week or if we want to have two days in one week and then one day in the other..I figured last option was better. 4th agreed, which was a relief, I didn't feel like dealing with her horrendous alter ego. Why is that? Why do we all have these terrible alter ego's? And I mean, we all have them.. they s*ck. Big time. And it s*cks that they seem to call each other out to play. 4th invites her alter ego over, and then mine creeps out of the house as well. And this time I locked the door safely, but it really is no guaranty for any future success. Alter ego’s stink. They stink!

Ok.

Got that off my chest.

Now; my blogroll is out of date. My intention was to have a blog roll with interesting polygyny-related blogs, with the exception of Pastoral Princess, she’s my special girl since she was my first commenter ever.. (hugs to princess) …however, many have private blogs (including princess), or have disappeared, or have stopped writing. Anyone has any suggestions??

Out of desperation, I am adding Margene’s blog to my blogroll - the blog of a totally inexistent person, but whatever.

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Polygyny Battles

I'm quite tired..had a few hours of sleep. It's been hectic in the past days. Any of you watch Big Love? The new season is airing now, and … the coincidence is very weird … Nicki (2nd wife in Big Love) said she wanted to be taken off the schedule in the last episode.. now the same happened to us last week. 2nd said she wanted to be taken off the schedule…

I wrote earlier that she has been dealing with her past, getting counseling, trying to resolve her issues. The past months have really been a rollercoaster for her. She said she just wants some time to sort things through without being in the midst of all the family issues. She wanted some time alone..

I wonder what will happen in the next episode of Big Love when Nicki’s wish lands in the family. Within our family it’s been stormy weather.

Mr.Hubby was very understanding. He knows where she’s coming from and said he would be there for her, regardless of whether she was on the schedule or not. He gave her all the space she needed. So we followed his example.

Now this sounds quite good, right?.. well… so 2nd gets taken off the schedule, everyone is very understanding, we leave it at that, till the next day, then the 1:1 talks with Mr.Hubby start.. there are two days per week left unassigned now .. who will get what?

1st sais: I had seven days and I gave that up when 2nd joined. If she won’t have them I should have them. I signed up for seven days and sacrificed my time with you for this family. 3rd and 4th signed up for what they have now, they should be content with that..

4th starts being her “Baby Boss” self. She never had much time alone with Mr.Hubby, she thinks it’s unfair, she always has to accept everything from the rest..

And I… I just don’t even want to be part of this nonsense, and tell Mr.Hubby that he should try to find a fair solution and let me know what it is, I’ll accept whatever he comes up with.

You see.. the issue starts out with two days that need to be fit into the schedule. But it ends up with being about what everyone has sacrificed, how unfair they are treated by others, what they deserve..
What a mess. I’m happy 2nd wasn’t involved in all the aftermath. She is trying to work on her own problems and I believe her decision might have been a wise one. She text messaged me if I wanted to go out to dinner tonight..it’s been a while since she felt like going out.

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♥bama

Excerpts from the Address to Joint Session of Congress (full transcript here).

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I understand that when the last administration asked this Congress to provide assistance for struggling banks, Democrats and Republicans alike were infuriated by the mismanagement and results that followed. So were the American taxpayers. So was I. So I know how unpopular it is to be seen as helping banks right now, especially when everyone is suffering in part from their bad decisions. I promise you – I get it.

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But I also know that in a time of crisis, we cannot afford to govern out of anger, or yield to the politics of the moment. My job – our job – is to solve the problem.

Our job is to govern with a sense of responsibility. I will not spend a single penny for the purpose of rewarding a single Wall Street executive, but I will do whatever it takes to help the small business that can’t pay its workers or the family that has saved and still can’t get a mortgage.
That’s what this is about. It’s not about helping banks – it’s about helping people.

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In a global economy where the most valuable skill you can sell is your knowledge, a good education is no longer just a pathway to opportunity – it is a pre-requisite. Right now, three-quarters of the fastest-growing occupations require more than a high school diploma. And yet, just over half of our citizens have that level of education. We have one of the highest high school dropout rates of any industrialized nation. And half of the students who begin college never finish.
This is a prescription for economic decline, because we know the countries that out-teach us today will out-compete us tomorrow.

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It is our responsibility as lawmakers and educators to make this system work. But it is the responsibility of every citizen to participate in it. And so tonight, I ask every American to commit to at least one year or more of higher education or career training. This can be community college or a four-year school; vocational training or an apprenticeship. But whatever the training may be, every American will need to get more than a high school diploma. And dropping out of high school is no longer an option. It’s not just quitting on yourself, it’s quitting on your country – and this country needs and values the talents of every American.

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As we stand at this crossroads of history, the eyes of all people in all nations are once again upon us – watching to see what we do with this moment; waiting for us to lead.
Those of us gathered here tonight have been called to govern in extraordinary times. It is a tremendous burden, but also a great privilege – one that has been entrusted to few generations of Americans. For in our hands lies the ability to shape our world for good or for ill. I know that it is easy to lose sight of this truth – to become cynical and doubtful; consumed with the petty and the trivial.
But in my life, I have also learned that hope is found in unlikely places; that inspiration often comes not from those with the most power or celebrity, but from the dreams and aspirations of Americans who are anything but ordinary.
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I think about Ty’Sheoma Bethea, the young girl from that school I visited in Dillon, South Carolina – a place where the ceilings leak, the paint peels off the walls, and they have to stop teaching six times a day because the train barrels by their classroom. She has been told that her school is hopeless, but the other day after class she went to the public library and typed up a letter to the people sitting in this room. She even asked her principal for the money to buy a stamp. The letter asks us for help, and says, "We are just students trying to become lawyers, doctors, congressmen like yourself and one day president, so we can make a change to not just the state of South Carolina but also the world. We are not quitters."

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We are not quitters.

Just thinking

My mom died of cancer when I was very young.. It will be in a few days, the day she died. Its late now, I have no idea why I am typing this. In all these years I have never understood why I miss her. I can hardly remember her...so what am I missing?

Still, she seems to be the most wonderful and amazing person that ever lived on this planet. And I can't get over the fact that I will never get to know her.

I find it hard when my friends argue with their mothers. I think of time wasted, of what I could do with that time, had I had it.

I wish she was here to assist me in things. Maybe she is, maybe she is here with me and she supports me through all the things, more so than she could ever do were she still alive.

But, I wonder, how would life be were she here now, beside me

@CM - Why polygyny

Anonymous signed CM posed some good questions about polygyny as a reply to my previous post, which I will try to answer here.

CM, first off, thanks for the nice comment and your genuine interest. I totally understand where you are coming from – I think I would have had similar questions had I read a blog like mine before coming to faith..

The way you state my situation is quite correct I guess..

“You support yourself”
Yes, though it’s my choice – I could expect from Mr.Hubby to support me, but I like using my brains and earning my own money, so this actually works for me
“You only get to see your husband one or two days a week"
Actually two days every two weeks, in the meantime we do see each other but it’s not ‘my day’ which means he spends the night at another home
“You have to delay having children now”
This has nothing to do with the principle of polygyny or with what God asks of women, it’s just that I don’t know yet how to handle my family, society, questions from my kid(s) etc
“If and when you do have children they will have a part time father”
Yes, they will
“In many ways you will have to raise them like a single mom”
Indeed
“Your husband on the other hand has four wives and is never alone unless he chooses to”
He is indeed never alone, and choosing to be alone is hardly an option for him as it will most probably not be accepted by the wife whose day it is
“Has children and decides his schedule with them”
The schedule is decided by the mothers and the children not by Mr.Hubby
“Can choose to add as more wives without the consent of the other wives”
Indeed no consent is needed from the wives, though any sane man would make sure they are on board since otherwise he would surely go nuts trying to make peace
“Has a variety of se.xual partners that are sanctioned by God”
Yes, obviously he does

This however is also very true:
While each wife has time for herself, to meet with friends by herself etc, Mr.Hubby has to be present and involved with someone in his family every day. This means that if he is tired from work and would have nothing rather than to sit quietly for some hours, he simply can’t do that. The family has been waiting for him, they need 100% of his attention and his care.
This also means that if he has had a fight with one of the wives and is on his way home to a different wife, he needs to shake it off and put on his happy face in order to give them the care and attention which they are entitled to.
If the husbands desires to be alone with one of his wives, he has to wait just as the wife does. And this can be just as hard on him as it is on the wives. The fact that he is with someone doesn’t mean that he can’t miss another wife..

This continuous effort from a man’s part is something which is demanded by God as well.. A man has the right to have more than one wife, but has obligations towards them as well, and the rights of women are in God’s hands. So any man with any faith in his heart will feel a heavy load making sure he is doing right by his wives.

I have read quite some polygyny blogs, and I have found many situations there which seem unjust and cruel. Maybe the men have taken their task too lightly - I am sure many men do.. I guess men think “yes! polygyny! – a variety of se.xual partners!” But then it turns out they don’t get a variety of se.xual partners instead they get wives, with demands, and feelings, and emotions, and kids, and bills, and responsibilities.. which is of course less appealing than dating, or adultery, or maybe even serial monogamy.

Polygyny is hard. But I can say that I prefer it above monogamy. The reason for it is that I get a better husband and a better father for it. Dealing with multiple families, continuously, with an intention to do as pleases God, gives more insights in ourselves and in others, it makes us grow.
I guess I experience polygyny as a crash course in human relationships. Mr.Hubby tells us all the trials and tribulations, the emotional rollercoasters of polygyny have made him understand and realize so many things which he never knew when he was in a monogamous relationship with 1st. And 1st agrees. She often sais how she really thought she knew herself and could say she knew the way she would respond to a situation – when in fact she got to know so many things about herself when she had to share Mr.Hubby.

Now the question is - is that important to a person? Maybe for people it will be good enough to be together and have a fairly uncomplicated and content life.. that's fine also. I am very happy with this aspect of polygyny though, since I am hoping to better myself as much as I can..

Also what's very important to me is that Mr.Hubby is clean in his mind and heart because he has no desire for other women. Just think about it. How massive is the industry catering to men’s se.xual thoughts and desires? All these men are husbands and fathers as well…

CM, I’ve tried to answer your questions as much as I could.
Why God asks this of women.. I don’t think that’s the right question. God asks something of men and women. I think God has created men in a certain way, and women in a certain way. With our own good and bad traits. And it is my beliefs that most men are better men when they have more than one wife and deal with that right in an honorable way. And most women are better women when they share their husband and can get past jealousy and fear.

I feel like I am not jealous of the other wives any more. They get on my nerves still sometimes, but it’s not because of jealousy in the sense that it bothers me to know they sleep with Mr.Hubby. I feel that forming a good bond with my sisterewives is the next step. The next step in burning away my ego and becoming more humble, more accepting of whatever God ordains for me, becoming a nicer human being… It’s the next step.. I definitely have a lot to do still.
:)
But if you look at it from this perspective it becomes a means to an end, instead of a sacrifice for an unclear cause..

Please let me know whether any of this makes sense to you..