Friday, May 15, 2009

The curse of text messages

I just totally told off 4th. I tried and tried to just keep my mouth shut, or actually to keep my fingers shut since it was a text-message thing.. Oh, the time when there were no cell phones.. how sweet must polygyny have been in those days!!!
I am so fed up with her. Gosh!!
Wouldn't it be great if you could just put a specific person on ignore in your cell, so you wouldn't receive their messages if you wouldn't want to? Or maybe some new high-tech phones offer such functionality? Please let me know if they do, it's worth the investment, I tell you that.
So she has been whining about how she doesn't trust me or Mr.Hubby, because, DRUMROLL.. she has been lied to too often. And deceived too often..and now she feels it's only understandable that she checks his phone and reads his messages, and then not only that, but tells me she knows the details because he told her everything, and tells him she knows because I told her everything..
The thing that pi$$es me off the most is that she actually believes that she is the one who's the victim, who is being treated unfairly. I turned off my phone during the whole evening just to protect myself from my own bluntness and harshness. At the end I turned it on again, and there they were, the self-pity texts, about how she wants to be different, but it's just too hard, and she can't cope... eventually I texted her listing up all the deceit and lies (the major ones at least) I got from her, and other people in the family got from her, and told her to get over her whiney self, and stop with the self-pity.
At this moment I feel relieved to have said all what was in my head. I always do when people bother me. I am so unable to be diplomatic. I wouldn't be a good diplomat. If I were a diplomat for the US I'd probably tell Israel and Palestine to make peace right away or otherwise we'd bomb the hell out of them. Ok, I wouldn't really.. I am just writing off frustration right now.
I am sure tomorrow I will feel shitty about letting my crappy alter-ego out again. Right now it feels like a relief.


CM said...

When tomorrow morning comes, don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes you just have to blow off some steam! And blowing that steam off just feels darn good!!

American Muslima Writer said...

Sometimes that's the best part of blogging the RANTS! WOOO HOOOO!!!

Good for you to get it off, sometimes everyone needs a take down.

I would totally discuss this with your husband though about what issues of privacy are allowed about checking his texts and calls. Tell him you're none to happy about all this back stabbing stuff. Cuase for sure if I saw some steamy hot message from my co-wife I'd be spitting nails. :D
Of course then there is always the temptation to message even more outragious stuff.... better nip this whole thing in the bud with some ground rules about checking on his phone...

Just my cents...

Donald said...

Sounds like good advice AMW.

3rd, I'm sorry you have to deal with this kind of stuff. :( Have you tried to 'kill her with kindness' yet??

3rd... said...

thanks you guys..
Brandy, I left it up to Hubby to sort that one out with her. I for one am not checking his phone so I don't want to be bothered with the bla bla about what the boundaries are etc. In my book she went too far.
Donald.. I tried the kindness thing, you know that me switching of my phone was an effort in that direction.. I suck at it.

Debra said...

Checking hubby's messages? WHOA! Talk about crossing boundaries.

Rant away--like several have said already, Blogs are a great way to blow off steam!

And honestly--I think your bluntness with 4th was just shear honesty. Sometimes, honesty hurts. Good for you for not sugar coating it.

It made me smile, because when ES and I have a major disagreement, we "fight" in e-mail, not face to face, because ES is a very dominant personality, and I tend to shut down when she gets in my face. I can assert myself in an e-mail much better (grins).


3rd... said...

owh dee.. that's kinda sweet.. how does that work when you guys are in one home??

Anonymous said...

hi 3rd..

Ohh is annoying when it gets like this!! i hope hubby deals with her and puts her straight. Maybe you texting her back with her own lies etc will be the wake up call she needs, to help sort herself out.

If not as Donald mentioned 'killing her with kindness' hmm and not to much kindness okay Lol!

Maybe she is suffering with some major self confidence issues, maybe you could suggest some councilling for her?

i know its a pain, but maybe consider changing your phone number, but i suppose it would only benefit if she could keep her mits of his phone.

i hope you feel better soon

UmmAbdur-Rahmaan said...

I check my hubbys phone...his calls and messages...good thing I can't read arabic huh??????

Bilqees said...

you go girl!blowing off steam now and then feels gooood!
#2 and i have had our fair share of text arguments and it got really heated sometimes.but face to face would have been too emotional and things that are supposed to be left unsaid might just come out the wrong way.

We're not angels,we're only human,and sometimes those disagreements can help us put things on the table which would normally not have been said,and in so doing things actually can get better.(can not will,lol).

new#3 said...

wow what a post!!! I loved it 3rd. Rant away...reading this post I thought about how I pussyfoot around when it comes to the conflict between myself and #2, how I'm so cowardly in that I would rather readers think I'm not being overly volatile than were so so honest. You know what? I think the next time you talk to her about this subject you tell her outright that you don't think she is cut out to be in a plural marriage and should perhaps consider leaving.

The overdoses of text messages is one of the banes of our society. Intimate and romantic texts cross a line if that's the way the line was drawn. You can't bottle this stuff up. Keep plugging away and call a wives meeting with all four to redraw the line if it wasn't totally clear before. Does that make sense?

Ana said...

Now really!-"kill her with kindness." I'd kill myself first.

Donald said...

Hey, I was only quoting Minty. Blame her! :)

Ana said...

3rd, I think sometimes reading text messages is the way to find out the truth. I wouldn't advocate it, as it is totally wrong, a despicable act.

One day, several months ago, my husband forgot his cellphone, left it at home. It's the first and only time I checked his messages. (He had told me that he and his other wife weren't having sex. I had never asked him if they were or weren't... I'm no fool.)In the text to his other wife he said he was thinking about the last time they had sex. I wonder what kind of sex that was... said...


I hope you didn't take offense. I think the kill someone with kindness tactic definitely works. You just have to be capable of being kind to the person first. That's what would kill me.

Anonymous said...

salam Ana... listen sis.. really i am not offended with what you said.. you know i read your blog and your ride is not easy... take it easy sis.. and keep strong.. insha'Allah

Anonymous said...

that's the most sense I think I've ever heard you describe here.

Anonymous said...

to the anon who attacked minty... do you have a problem with her?!!.. at least post without hiding who you are?