Big Love airing again

HBO's Big Love season 4 has started and I am really happy about that. There is something about the show that always makes me re-think my own relationships with my sisterwives. I've said it before, but that is my main struggle. The sharing part, the jealousy, the secrecy..all of those aspects I've got pretty much under control. I wouldn't say I've got them fully under control. But definitely 80-90%. Once in a while the remaining 20-10% emerge and slap me in the face, and it hurts, but overall life is easy.

Now relationships with sisterwives.. not so easy. We go back and forth from not communicating, to being civil, to enjoying each others company, to enfuriating one another. But we never get to the level of close friendship. To a feeling of real familiarity, a real bond.

Even though the wives in Big Love have many issues with one another, the main thing that always stands out in the series is the fact that they belong to that one family. And as with any family there are fights, lies, and issues, but its still undeniably a family. We do not have that feeling with one another..

Sometimes I feel like that really isn't necessary either. Why should we be anything more than just civil? Do our lives really have to be so intertwined? But then sometimes, like now, I think well we really only have each other. There is nobody who knows what we go through. We should stick together, and truly let each other in into our hearts.

One needs a big arsenal of social skills in polygyny. And a lot of patience and forgiveness and humbleness. And I fail in all of those traits.

Funny

I actually hate twitter.. but this one was brought to my attention, its hilarious

http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays

Name
Justin
Bio
I'm 29. I live with my 73-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says

Some funny quotes:

"Fine, let’s take a vote. Who wants fish for dinner?...Yeah, democracy ain’t so fun when it fucks you, huh?”

"I just want silence. Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more."

"It's never the right time to have kids, but it's always the right time for screwing. God's not a dumbshit. He knows how it works."

"Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didn't invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that."

Mirror mirror on the wall...

I bet you are thinking this will be some really important post, explaining why I was gone for so long. I wish I could say something really interesting and wise and befitting someone spiritual, but I was mainly busy trying to wrap my mind around the whole Twilight mania. Yeah, sounds crazy. I know. But I am posting now, because I think I finally figured it out.

So what triggered my temporary OCD? I stumbled across the partial draft of Midnight Sun, and of course things like ‘leaked out to the internet’ and ‘unfinished’ caught my interest so I decided to read it. I was soon totally intrigued by the story and finished reading the draft in a day, feeling totally unsatisfied as I knew nothing about Twilight I had no idea what happened next so I set out to read the book and then watch the movie. Honestly I thought the story in Midnight Sun which is written from Edward’s perspective was way more interesting than the published one which is written from Bella’s perspective, but still that one was fascinating as well. So eventually I read all the books, watched the second movie as well which just came out and was desperately trying to figure out what about this story was so captivating.

If you are still blissfully unaware of the Twilight world, this post may make no sense at all, but I am too lazy to try and explain the plot. Mainly because explaining the plot really doesn’t explain anything, it just makes me sound more crazy for even typing this up.

For those of you that happen to know Twilight. I am interested in what you guys think of my theory.

Ok, so why does it seem to be so that all x-chrom population melts at this story? And I am by now a fan as well by the way. I mean it’s basically a book for teenagers, but the moms are avid readers as well, and even the girls/women in between these two groups love it.
I watched some interviews and clips on the net, of moms saying that it’s a book they approve of since it basically promotes abstinence and true love instead of the casual s.ex which seems to be the norm nowadays. And young girls are screaming ‘Edward’s just so hot’. Well, he’s not, he is a freakin vampire, they are dead cold. I think the moms are lying and I think the girls just have no idea what it is that’s so attractive about the story.

I think every single one of us x-chrom’s is just dying to be as important to someone as Bella is to both Edward and Jacob. I mean these are two abnormally strong, ridiculously handsome, young men who will die to be with her. Edward will deny his most basic and strong desires of thirst, he will risk his family, himself, because he simply can’t stay away from her. She is the center of his world, he obsesses about her constantly, and I mean constantly because the boy doesn’t sleep so he even watches her at night - is overly protective.
I’d say having an awesome guy act that way gives a woman the ultimate validation of her greatness. To have someone so amazing as Edward’s character marvel at ourselves, isn’t that like the ultimate rush? And then not just him. Jacob, the werewolf, the incredibly buff Native American, utterly loyal, and gorgeous, is just as Edward. He will go against his pack to protect her and be with her. Even when she chooses Edward..
And the moms with their ‘I like it because it advocates abstinence..” I mean, for real? They make love alright in the last book. He rips the headboard in order to channel the emotions. Surely that wasn’t a tiny bit interesting to moms? Not any of the moms sighed at this point and drifted away in their imagination wishing their husband had some of that passion to share?
Or the fact that both Jacob and Edward seem to carry Bella around for miles whenever she is tired or exhausted. Not one of those moms thought of how nice it would be if their husband had some of that strength and devotion for them?

So my point is.. I think these books just give the ultimate rush to us women. The male interests are just ideal. Strong, loyal, handsome, passionate, but at the same time just completely and unconditionally in love. I think every woman wants to be able to capture the mind, imagination and the heart of man to such an extent. Having that gives us our own proof that we really are incredibly amazing, as all of us secretly believe..
I am grateful to the books that they made me realize this. It's like I understand a part of me now, some part of a certain craving..

And I do like the fact that the books promote true unconditional love, marital s.ex, and loyalty. I like all of those things. But like the really absorbing thing is just the full devotion Edward and Jacob have for Bella I’d say. Thoughts? Anyone offended? I hope not. :)

Peanuts and time travel

Sometimes time flies.. and I notice I haven't written in weeks. I was sick for some days, stayed home in bed with fever and was feeling so weak that even getting up to get a glass of water seemed like an enormous effort. It made me think about how we tend to take our health for granted and how precious it is. It's a shame we don't realize how wonderful it is to be healthy when we feel well. Unimportant and insignificant things tend to occupy our mind and we start to believe life is hard..when it's really all peanuts.

So, about peanuts..4th..never emailed me again and never said a word about her feelings and all, and whatever. I am being polite and considerate where I would want others to be considerate with me and I hope God sees and approves.

I downloaded The Time Traveler's Wife some days ago and I loved it. That movie is absolutely wonderful. And hereby I am officially recommending it to the world. Great acting, wonderful script, awesome images.. It made me reflect on how much I actually love my loved ones and how grateful I am for having people in my life that love me. It really is a gift from God to have people in our life that love us. I even felt like giving my dad a hug and that’s a big thing. :)
So how are you doing?

I told you so

4th is doing much better..
and as I expected I am back on the list of people that are to be forgotten

We emailed back and forth after my initial reply to her message. The last communication was from my side; I sent her an email, just before she spoke with Mr.Hubby, telling her that we’ve all had moments in which we feel it is too much and that she should not think it is just her.
Mr.Hubby and her spent some evenings talking afterwards. And now she is all upbeat and laughing and hysterical and I haven’t heard from her since. She hasn’t bothered to email anymore or say anything concerning her feelings now or that she is doing better.. It’s like I do not exist.
First I thought that maybe she would reply after some days.. but nope, not a word.

Obviously this is something which I expected and I also expected that I would feel as I do now. However I am happy that I was not to blame for her wanting to leave, as I wouldn’t want to have to carry that burden. Also I am happy that I did not get sucked into investing more of my time and energy in this. I already feel like a fool now, I would have felt way worse had I really opened my arms to comfort her.

I keep reminding myself that it really doesn’t matter what she does or does not do, and that I should just busy myself with trying to be a good person in the best and most true way I am able to.

Boss Baby considers leaving

Yup, you read it right.. she sent out a message to all of us saying she is seriously considering leaving. Mr.Hubby already knew of her feelings, but I was really surprised, we all were.

Why she is considering leaving? I guess the short version would be that she can’t cope with all the problems that come with the territory. She grew up with the regular fairy tale image of happily ever after, one man one wife, everyone in her family seems to be very happy and joyful in their marriage, her newlywed sister being the main reason for feelings of envy I guess. She gets guys drooling all over her, making very nice proposals, so I guess that sense of gravitation towards a different life is pulling on her so much that she is considering stepping out. Her letter was quite emotional. She said she is sorry and ashamed for feeling this way, but she can't help it. And that she is so negative and angry and frustrated and just doesn't know what to do.

Mr.Hubby’s response is that he will support her in anything she decides to do. He is not making an effort to convince her to stay, not because he does not want her to, I think he truly does, but because he feels the decision should be hers 100%. So he did not get upset and said she needs to decide for herself..
I imagine that she actually wants him to react more emotionally and ask her not to leave, to get that reassurance that she is being loved and needed. And now that he is not giving her that, the decision to stay may be even harder. Mr.Hubby is aware of this, we talked about it, but he really does not want any blame on convincing her to remain married if it really isn’t something she chooses and chooses for the right reasons – e.g. faith, not him.

2nd and 1st were like ‘well she should sort it out herself’. I replied to the message and asked her whether any part of her feeling this way was due to the relationship between the two of us. She said that the main issue is her relationship with Mr.Hubby and just to some extent our relationship - the main problem being that she feels we do not share anything anymore, that the friendship is not there.

Well here I was presented with a dilemma on what to reply. Like a test of where I am with my faith. I guess as a really good believer, I would open up my arms and be that friend to her, comfort her, reassure her that Mr.Hubby loves her, let her share her pain to ease the burden of it..
But I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. And why? Because I am quite sure that once she figures things out and is all happy with Mr.Hubby again, she will forget all about me. I wrote her about my conflicted feelings on this and told her that I just feel like I can’t be that friend to her.

I was in a very low point in the beginning of her relationship with Mr.Hubby, not because of their relationship, but there was this sh!tload of problems I was dealing with, and her main concerns were whether she had enough time with Mr.Hubby, whether they went out to the movies, whether he came home on time. I was hoping for a friend and all I got from her were complaints, and accusations and jealosy.

I reminded her of that, and told her I do not want to leave her out in the cold like she left me, but that I do feel that maybe by letting her figure it out by herself she will learn something.

She answered that she does not agree and never has agreed about her letting me down as a friend, and that she did not feel like going into that topic. So she ended the letter by saying she will let me know once she makes her decision.

Mr.Hubby read the communication we exchanged and said that what I wrote was alright.. I am having mixed feelings. Should I feel more empathy for her? You see, I feel like she lacked empathy so much for all this time that right now I feel quite cold about her pain. I mean.. I feel bad about feeling so little. Any thoughts?

Open Mic

There's been different topics on my mind .. things I have wanted to write about but didn't. Like the fact that autumn is here once more and I am waiting for the colors to change and the world to enter into shades of wonderful yellow, deep red, brown, green and purple. I am excited about the amazing images which will be presented to me soon when I step outside my home.. There are certain memories from my childhood, moments, in which I felt so much awe for the beauty of nature, I did my best to imprint them in my brain. I remember seeing a star filled sky during a summer night when I was four or five and thinking I *have* to remember this forever. Or sunsets while coming back from school..incredible sunsets, filling the sky with colors in such a miraculous fashion, made me want to die on the spot.

But also I wanted to write and ask you about what it means be friends to someone? And whether men and women can be friends? Isn’t there some form attraction lurking in the corner always? And if you allow yourself to really love a male-friend, will that transform into love that’s different, not meant for friends?
Mr.Hubby says that's the case. He says that keeping a distance is necessary between men and women. Before I start sribbling down my own thoughts and ideas on this, I just wanted to ask what do you guys think?