Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Big Love airing again

HBO's Big Love season 4 has started and I am really happy about that. There is something about the show that always makes me re-think my own relationships with my sisterwives. I've said it before, but that is my main struggle. The sharing part, the jealousy, the secrecy..all of those aspects I've got pretty much under control. I wouldn't say I've got them fully under control. But definitely 80-90%. Once in a while the remaining 20-10% emerge and slap me in the face, and it hurts, but overall life is easy.
Now relationships with sisterwives.. not so easy. We go back and forth from not communicating, to being civil, to enjoying each others company, to enfuriating one another. But we never get to the level of close friendship. To a feeling of real familiarity, a real bond.
Even though the wives in Big Love have many issues with one another, the main thing that always stands out in the series is the fact that they belong to that one family. And as with any family there are fights, lies, and issues, but its still undeniably a family. We do not have that feeling with one another..
Sometimes I feel like that really isn't necessary either. Why should we be anything more than just civil? Do our lives really have to be so intertwined? But then sometimes, like now, I think well we really only have each other. There is nobody who knows what we go through. We should stick together, and truly let each other in into our hearts.
One needs a big arsenal of social skills in polygyny. And a lot of patience and forgiveness and humbleness. And I fail in all of those traits.


new#3 said...

Don't be so hard on yourself Third :/ Closeness with sister wives is easier I think if one lives on a compound or something. The way you live especially, different homes, would make it harder. Then again, what does it mean to be close to one's sisterwives? Even biological sisters have their issues. I think we can expect too much sometimes, I know I do.

Safiyyah said...

Greetings Third:

Coming from an Islamic perspective, why do sisters knock themselves out and worry about having a relationship with her husband's other wife?

After all, she is HIS wife, not mine. She and their children are HIS family, not mine. Don't get me wrong, if it works out all hunky dory, that is good.

I think the struggle women experience is mainly due to trying to fit in 100% with a husband's life. Each time there is another wife, it is a slice out of the other women's lives. Agreeing to be in a plural marriage means that you do not have 100% of your husband.

Take for example, my husband goes to work 8 hours a day. Add traveling time in and he's gone from me practically 10 hours a day. During this timeframe, I do not expect anything out of him or from him unless I have an emergency.

I kind of see plural marriage that way. During the time a husband is away with HIS other family, that is a chunk of time that has nothing to do with me.

Just my opinion. I know it works differently for each woman and each family.

My whole point is that when my husband decides to marry another women, she does not automatically become my family.

Coming from a child's perspective, here's another analogy. When I was a kid, my parents got divorced. My dad remarried and had children with his new wife. At times, he would do stuff with us kids all together, at times just with us, at times just with them. At the end of the day, everyone went home to their own family. Insha Allah I am making sense.

Allah (swt) knows this is difficult, and He knows most men cannot do justice to the situation. That's why the Qur'an recommends only marrying one woman.

Jill said...

Wow, your blog is really interesting and I just read the entire thing. I have a question-are you guys Christians? It is hard to tell.

3rd... said...

Jill, welcome! :) now how in the world did u end up here?