Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Reflecting on past year with the blog

It's been somewhat over a year ago that I started this blog, and I have been reflecting on what it has meant for me.. Someone once gave me the advice to always reflect what a chosen path has lead you to as it will clearly tell you whether you are on the right path or not. Has it brought you nearer to your goal?
The biggest benefit from starting this blog was discovering that there are so many people out there living in polygyny and realizing that it can work. Sometimes you get stuck in your own view of life. I might think that it is absolutely not done to hug Mr.Hubby in front of a sisterwife. But is it really not done? And if another sisterwife did this, does it mean she’s being mean towards me? Probably not. So it has made me re-evaluate certain viewpoints that I just take for granted.
Reading the blogs where polygyny works as well as where it’s still a major struggle, has been insightful. I have come to appreciate Mr.Hubby’s way of handling things a lot more, and I have become more understanding of the way my sisterwives deal with their struggles.
In some ways I have formed a clearer perspective on how I think polygyny should work, instead of just trying to follow Mr.Hubby’s take on it. And I have come to realize that my main weakness lies in the extent to which I want a close bond with my sisterwives. This I think is my main struggle and the main reason why it has been so hard to become close thus far. I just don’t want it badly enough. 2nd always sais its because I am happy with my relationship with Mr.Hubby that I don’t really desire to be close friends with her and confide in her. I am not sure if that’s the real reason, but somehow I feel like it’s good enough to like each other and get along. And I have still to figure out how to get myself to take the next step and really throw my heart into the relationship with my sisterwives.
So in conclusion, I think blogging has been a good decision. I informed Mr.Hubby about my blog and let him read it a few weeks ago. He’s somewhat confused about how it all works but has found it alright so far.

Monday, April 27, 2009

On Little Rebel and Trusting Your Lord

My third post today.. that’s what WFH does with me..makes me a Blogger addict.


I remember what I did last weekend. I babysat “Little Rebel”, and it was his goal in life not to get his diapers changed, so he made me do some very entertaining ‘catch me if you can’ exercises. It beats the stair master. I am quite sure he’s the funniest kid ever. He tells me endless stories of which I understand absolutely nothing but I always agree 100% with his opinion, and we just happen to find Elmo the coolest dude on TV. People have problems with that opinion?.. we don’t care, Elmo rocks.


It was a good weekend.


And I also remember this thing I wanted to write about. I read the O magazine, I am not a regular reader, I happened to buy the copy with Michelle Obama on the cover. And there was this interesting article about people living as if there is scarcity of things. There is scarcity of time in our life so we stress to get things done, there is scarcity of love, so we suffocate our loved ones with jealousy and control, there is scarcity of money so we keep trying to get more.. And what seems to be the case, once you actually believe there is abundance, you experience abundance.


It’s true.

When I put my best intentions forward and decide to try and really make the relationship work with my sisterwives, and they reciprocate with distrust, suspicion, accusations, I just feel like giving up. And I am sure they feel the same towards me.


So why wouldn’t that be a way of understanding how we should act towards our Lord? He says of Himself that He is the Most Merciful, the Most Generous, the Most Kind. His Word is actually a promise to us. Then why are we always preparing for the worst, scared of losing people or things as if we can really control anything..? This attitude surely can’t please Him…


Enjoy la musica

I'm going to be cruel and post this even though I kinda think it'll break Donald's heart


Feeling Tired

I have this weird feeling of boredom today. Just full boredom. I don't know why. I should be working but I can't seem to figure out what to do next. It’s like my mind is blank right now …

I had so many things that I wanted to write about, but didn’t find the time in the past week. And now I can’t seem to remember anything.

I have been trying to figure out what happened in the past week and maybe get some of the ideas to emerge from the dark oceans in my brain, but I can’t remember that either..

No I haven’t smoked anything.

I actually get these fuzzy days regularly.

‘3rd what did you have for dinner yesterday..?’ No idea!

There is one thing though. A good friend of mine had an abortion. How awful. I feel quite sick about it. I felt very strange talking to her. I saw she was in pain emotionally as well as physically so I basically only comforted her. But I actually wanted to tell her she shouldn’t have done it, and that it was just insane to kill a life. I get tired thinking about it. It just drains me. How sick is abortion anyway.


Monday, April 13, 2009

Polygyny Hardships

I came across another polygyny blog Polygamy411, from a first wife, Muslim family, and the story could not be more different from Megan's... Any man considering taking up a second wife, I would strongly advise you to read this blog - all its entries - as it will give you an idea of why I keep repeating that polygyny is hard, and the multiple s.exual partners really doesn't compensate for its burdens.
Just a very tiny exceprt from a blog with numerous posts filled with similar pain and devastation:
My calls to Alex during his nights with Carolinah went from pitiful to hateful. That is what I did every night on her nights. I left terrible, profane, abusive messages for Alex. He always answered the phone and spoke with me until my conversation went from being cordial to offensive.
Similar things happened with 1st in the initial phase of my marriage to Mr.Hubby.. she used to call in the morning - sometimes him - sometimes me - argue over the weirdest things. Sometimes she would call during the night, sobbing on the phone.. She went through similar feelings when 2nd en 4th entered. It always made me wonder whether I needed to step out of the marriage. I was wondering whether I was really being a good believer by staying while I knew she was in such pain. And 2nd was in a lot of pain as well when I entered though she didn't call on my nights, we argued whenever we met, and she argued and screamed and yelled at Mr.Hubby as well. It just made me wonder whether this was all really meant to be.
Mr.Hubby always said to give it time, to be understanding and forgiving for everything, to try and be sisters to each other.. He pushed us to keep communicating. He was more on top of the situation than Alex in the Polygamy411 blog. And here the role of the husband becomes very evident:
So one evening while having a pleasant conversation with Alex, he said he would be away on a business trip for a few days. I said, Oh, OK, so you’ll be back home such and such a day. (He was scheduled to be with Carolinah for the next three nights before his business trip. So I surmised that upon his return from the three day trip, he’d be with me three nights.) To my surprise, the date he said he’d be back was like nine days later. That just didn’t add up to me…Three days with Carolinah, three days business trip, back to me. I asked, “Are you telling me that I lose my days, as you’ll be on a business trip when I’m scheduled? He said, “Yes.”
Naturally, I totally lost it, freeeeked right on out! I said, “No. After the business trip you come back here for my three days. I asked, “Are you crazy?” He said he didn’t know. He seemed very sincere. I said, “If you can’t figure out a simple schedule, you don’t need to be in polygamy.” He said he didn’t try to take my days deliberately. He just didn’t know how it was supposed to work. He said he went online to try to find out, but there wasn’t a whole lot of information out there about it. I yelled, “Well yeah, that’s because there’s not a whole lot of people out there doing it!”
A husband needs to be on top of the situation.