Sunday, September 20, 2009

Picture perfect

The last post raised some questions, and I have been thinking about what you asked - whether I'd prefer monogamy with Mr.Hubby if it were an option.. SoI tried to imagine my fairy tale life so to I could give you an honest answer.

So here goes my picture perfect:

I’d be married to Mr.Hubby, and he’d be a ten year younger version of himself but absolutely with the same wisdoms, characteristics, personality (e.g. maturity level) which he has now.. I would have sisterwives which would truly be like sisters to me. I think I’d like to have two, and they’d be in about the same age range as I. We would be true friends and I’d love them as I love my own sister.

We’d all have kids, and none of the them would be older than four. Each one of the wives would take turns in running daycare for the kids. And once the kids would grow older we might chose to home school them.

We would live in adjacent homes, with a big communal living and kitchen so we could have our dinners together. We’d have two days with Mr.Hubby each, so everyone would be with him in the weekends eventually.

My day would look something like this: Getting the kids ready, if it were my turn to babysit, I would obviously be doing that until it were time to start preparing dinner. On other days I would start my day by going to the gym to keep everything nice and toned, then run errands, rest some (especially if it were my day with hubby so I would be refreshed when he came home), go to the salon to get properly waxed in all the necessary places, chat or meet with my sisterwives and other friends and family, prepare dinner, preferably together with another sisterwife.. I am still undecided whether I would like to cook, but I would definitely master the skill of making sweets and jummy cookies and all. So the kids would think I am such a cool mom and auntie and they’d sneak into my kitchen to steal something. I’d always pretend not to notice.
We would all have dinner together and it would be a big and messy but most importantly warm family. After dinner, the necessary cleaning and getting kids to bed, my evening would depend on whether Mr.Hubby were with me that day or not.

If it were my day:
With Mr.Hubby being away for some days, having him home again would make me look forward to it. I would make sure to take a short shower, and have the diligence to slip into something nice like a nightgown (instead of my shorts and stuff which I wear now). I would have rested during the day so there would be no tiredness bothering me..
I’d make it my personal objective to make Mr.Hubby loose himself fully and loudly under me.. I’d give him and myself the opportunity to rest for some hours after which I would ask him to kindly return the favor. After this there would be time to talk and reflect about whatever happened to be on our mind.

If it weren’t my day with him:
I would use the evenings for spiritual readings, contemplation, writing, painting, meeting with the sisterwife who was also by herself that day, in the weekends maybe arrange sleepovers for all the kids while me and the other sisterwife indulge in some delicious ice-cream all the while reassuring one another that we deserved it and that it wouldn’t ruin our thighs..

My family and friends would know about my lifestyle, and would learn to accept it. They would come over occasionally and sometimes my kids would go over to them and have sleepovers with their cousins.

I would feel safe and protected within my family unit, and we would be united by a bond of trust and love.


And I would maybe ask Mr.Hubby to make love to me a third time again..


Yeah. That’s my picture perfect.

And it really isn’t impossible to reach. I mean, I couldn’t have a Mr.Hubby be ten years younger, but let’s say I would be with a different man, spiritual and kind just as Mr.Hubby and two nice sisterwives. They are out there, I have met some of them..
Living this life, and then dying, would result in what? I mean, what would that mean for my spiritual development? Having nice sisterwives and a life which doesn’t confront me with anything within me, would result into what exactly?
I am no way near this perfection myself. I am not as perfect towards Mr.Hubby nor towards my sisterwives as I would want to be. My own pride and pettiness hold me down. So instead of expecting them to change to my liking I might better try and change myself. Their change may follow naturally..
So this is why I say gems are hidden in all the problems. They are opportunities for me to learn to be that better person, the one which trusts, loves, shows kindness, and generosity, and humility to others..

Saturday, September 19, 2009

The world on a silver platter

Why are all cab drivers here so nuts? First I wanted to believe it was all just a coincidence, but no..I can’t keep justifying.. they are way crazy...
We just came back from a mall – me and colleague – and took a cab. So the driver decides to share his vision of the country with us.
“You see, I tell you, this country, is all upside down. Here women are like bosses.... I am telling you now, I see many things here in these years… Everything is about women here! A man cheats, she will smack his head to break it now and its ok. But if a woman cheats, he may kiss her on the knees to beg her to forgive him that he found out! I am telling you..”
Me and my colleague are cracking up on the back seat
“It is true. Whenever women become bosses the country goes upside down. You see it here. Man has to wash the dishes while woman goes out with her friends! I see them here in the night. They are all wasted on the backseat. They shove the beer down their throat worse than men..”


Anyway; I am travelling for work now. It’s been an interesting time so far. From a professional perspective it’s been really good, and this has been the first trip for me without any of my local colleagues. I met the international ones here, but was basically by myself. Which I prefer because it gives more opportunity to be alone. Otherwise there are always too many social activities for which you kind of need to show up..

Now I met one of these international colleagues already on one of my previous trips. I did remember meeting him but didn’t know his name anymore. I guess during the last trip we just exchanged a few words, nothing special. Se here, he came up to me to say hi and still knew my name..( I thought that was really impressive, since you tend to meet so many people in these trips). We chatted a bit and that was that. I mean it was pleasant but really quite short.
One of the evenings, I came back to my room after a dinner with some customers and then saw a small bag there with my name on it. In it was just a souvenir from this guy’s home country (about 20 hours by plane from where I live!) and a simple note stating something like ‘a small gift from my country, enjoy” signed with his name.
So I sat on the bed thinking, now what does this gesture mean? I figured the best thing would be to send a message thanking for the gift, to be polite. It has happened before that some guy showed interest but always in such annoying ways. I really dislike it when you notice that a guy always walks up to talk to you when he spots you. At a certain point you just look for ways to stay out of sight. And then they try to make jokes and somehow ask questions to understand 1) if you are in a relationship and then 2) if its serious. It’s all always too obvious even when it’s meant to be hidden, and it’s just generally really annoying.
But this was different. This guy had always kept a professional, but kind attitude, and this gesture was not too intruding either. It was actually polite and respectful and that was nice.
I received a nice reply to my message, saying he hoped I liked it. I saw him during the day again and thanked him again for the souvenir. We chatted about some work-related things. I asked him at the end if he bought that souvenir here or if it was really from his home country, so he said ‘no really I brought it in my country’.

Now, that puzzled me. I am thinking that he had someone else in mind when he bought it, but that for some reason it didn’t work out and then he decided to give it to me. The other scenario could be that he really bought it with the intention to give it to me, but that just seems so unlikely.

We had dinner with a group of colleagues later in the week and he was there as well. It was a really nice evening, one of the more relaxed ones I have had so far. Usually you have to work quite hard to keep the conversation alive, but this evening was actually nice by itself. And during this dinner this colleague shared that he has a wife and kids and that then puzzled me even more.

I shared all of this with Mr.Hubby and he said that a lot of people cheat on these trips, with each other – this is true, I know a few colleagues who indeed did this. So Mr.Hubby says that he probably wanted to see if he had a chance with me. Mr.Hubby was by the way really relaxed about it. He said ‘Look at it this way, you’re still hot’.

But this whole thing made me think and gave me this feeling..a feeling that in front of me lies the option to chose a life of luxury and ease. A husband which you can present to the world, a life without hiding, without difficult sisterwives, a life with stability. And it’s there, for me to just chose and take. Such an odd feeling- like a sense of gravity that’s pulling my heart in that direction.

I sat in silence for a bit visualizing the real life in front of me. The life after this life, its endlessness and the choice which I am making for that life. And slowly the sense of gravitation towards all of this started to fade away.

Polygyny is a conscious choice. I guess like any marriage is a conscious choice sometimes. And maybe it would be better if it were a conscious choice every day. I will be going back home soon. New rounds of arguments, distrust and problems await, I am sure. But all of them give the opportunity for submission, humility, goodness, love, reconciliation. In all of them lie hidden gems. If I were only able to see these things while in the middle of things..