Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I am so right

I am so right.. she's so wrong.. that's what was going through my mind yesterday when I had a fight with one of the co-wives. I am right, because I was a friend to her and she let me down when I needed her and she is not even willing to apologize.. Friends left the building and friendly just made her entrance!

But I was talking to Mr.Hubby today about the whole situation and he got me thinking. He said: "Who would have ever thought you would be in this position? Becoming religious, becoming 3rd? Who would have thought you would chose that? It's a miracle in itself. And the Lord is happy when He sees you trying to struggle for His sake. He is commanding our environment, the people around us. He is controlling the other sister-wife. He is putting you in this situation to see whether you will let your ego resolve the situation or whether you will let you heart deal with it."

Hmm... hard ... still I am right - definitely!
What about justice? If I do not get angry with her now, will she not forget about me in the future as well? If she doesn't get the picture will there be any progress ever?

"Will she understand if you attack her and demand an apology? Or will she bow down and feel resentment instead?"

Sigh - my ego is looking out of the window stubbornly. I guess Mr.Hubby is right.


Safa said...

If you are in an arab country dealing with an arab co wife.....I'd go back to her and rather than demand an apology, I'd point out her mistake to her and see where she goes with it.

Arab women are different.....if you back down at this point, it's like giving up at the finish line.....it's not about ego....it's about saving yourself from future problems.

I like the way your husband talked to you......he was directing you towards an islamic perspective and thats commendable.

The Pastoral Princess said...

I see some logic in your husband's words. Put the fight into a different perspective. Because he is your spouse you would be more apt to try see his side of the issue as well, and to forgive his shortcomings because you love him. She too is your spouse...would you not do that same for her? I would say exiting the argument gracefully will give you peace and be a good example to her. Perhaps a quiet conversation about the fact that she hurt you, but that you love her and will try to understand her motives....if God is testing you, I am sure this is the type of response he is expecting from you. Be gracious, go to her with love and an open mind. If she responds with hostility, then the problem is on her...you did the right thing and you can rest well knowing you do the right thing. Even if you are still angry about it for a while. I am not in a plural marriage, but if I were, this is how I would try to handle it. All things that come from love are good...come to her with love and forgiveness. If nothing else it will help heal your heart!


3rd... said...

Princess thank you for the sweet words.. "If nothing else it will help heal your heart!" loved it

I am not in an arab country :) and I actually love her as a sister so I do not wish to be hostile or harsh. I was just angry and hurt and disappointed. We talked, she was very genuine and I do feel she cares for me just as I care for her. She apologized sincerely.

I hope we will manage one day to deal with our negative emotions without Hubby calming us down. Without him we would have probably both been too stubborn to listen to one another.

However I do expect she will make the same mistakes in the future - she does too.. and this makes me wonder to what extent I can rely on her. And whether I should open my heart as much as I did.