To trust

Last week I had a bit of a struggle with the fourth, I felt like she was trying to disturb my quality time with hubby by bringing up an old argument. She claims she had no idea he was at my house at that time but I find it hard to believe. I think she actually does not even know that it was jealousy more than a pure wish to solve an old problem. I can not be sure I am right, however I still find it hard to believe I was wrong..

And the only reason I feel so strongly I was right is because I have been there myself. Jealousy and pain creep up in your heart and even though you try to contain them, they spill, dripping out in small vicious streams. You think you are being nice and caring but actually it is nothing more than disguised criticism.

It was just a small thing which happened and I am not angry at all, but it did make me think about trust. Something which has to be there, if we are to take upon ourselves such a big task as sharing the same house, and which is obviously lacking. Mr. Hubby always says we have to make a decision and stick by it, but obviously he is a man. He never feels the emotional pressure building up in his heart which makes you feel like you're about to explode. And you try with all your might to stick to whatever you decided but you just can't.

Trust is hard, trust is a verb, it is something in the present tense and in the future tense at the same time. It involves knowing oneself, it involves commitment.
It involves fighting yourself..