On Little Rebel and Trusting Your Lord

My third post today.. that’s what WFH does with me..makes me a Blogger addict.

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I remember what I did last weekend. I babysat “Little Rebel”, and it was his goal in life not to get his diapers changed, so he made me do some very entertaining ‘catch me if you can’ exercises. It beats the stair master. I am quite sure he’s the funniest kid ever. He tells me endless stories of which I understand absolutely nothing but I always agree 100% with his opinion, and we just happen to find Elmo the coolest dude on TV. People have problems with that opinion?.. we don’t care, Elmo rocks.

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It was a good weekend.

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And I also remember this thing I wanted to write about. I read the O magazine, I am not a regular reader, I happened to buy the copy with Michelle Obama on the cover. And there was this interesting article about people living as if there is scarcity of things. There is scarcity of time in our life so we stress to get things done, there is scarcity of love, so we suffocate our loved ones with jealousy and control, there is scarcity of money so we keep trying to get more.. And what seems to be the case, once you actually believe there is abundance, you experience abundance.

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It’s true.

When I put my best intentions forward and decide to try and really make the relationship work with my sisterwives, and they reciprocate with distrust, suspicion, accusations, I just feel like giving up. And I am sure they feel the same towards me.

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So why wouldn’t that be a way of understanding how we should act towards our Lord? He says of Himself that He is the Most Merciful, the Most Generous, the Most Kind. His Word is actually a promise to us. Then why are we always preparing for the worst, scared of losing people or things as if we can really control anything..? This attitude surely can’t please Him…

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Enjoy la musica

I'm going to be cruel and post this even though I kinda think it'll break Donald's heart

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Feeling Tired

I have this weird feeling of boredom today. Just full boredom. I don't know why. I should be working but I can't seem to figure out what to do next. It’s like my mind is blank right now …

I had so many things that I wanted to write about, but didn’t find the time in the past week. And now I can’t seem to remember anything.

I have been trying to figure out what happened in the past week and maybe get some of the ideas to emerge from the dark oceans in my brain, but I can’t remember that either..

No I haven’t smoked anything.

I actually get these fuzzy days regularly.

‘3rd what did you have for dinner yesterday..?’ No idea!

There is one thing though. A good friend of mine had an abortion. How awful. I feel quite sick about it. I felt very strange talking to her. I saw she was in pain emotionally as well as physically so I basically only comforted her. But I actually wanted to tell her she shouldn’t have done it, and that it was just insane to kill a life. I get tired thinking about it. It just drains me. How sick is abortion anyway.

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Polygyny Hardships

I came across another polygyny blog Polygamy411, from a first wife, Muslim family, and the story could not be more different from Megan's... Any man considering taking up a second wife, I would strongly advise you to read this blog - all its entries - as it will give you an idea of why I keep repeating that polygyny is hard, and the multiple s.exual partners really doesn't compensate for its burdens.

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Just a very tiny exceprt from a blog with numerous posts filled with similar pain and devastation:

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My calls to Alex during his nights with Carolinah went from pitiful to hateful. That is what I did every night on her nights. I left terrible, profane, abusive messages for Alex. He always answered the phone and spoke with me until my conversation went from being cordial to offensive.

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Similar things happened with 1st in the initial phase of my marriage to Mr.Hubby.. she used to call in the morning - sometimes him - sometimes me - argue over the weirdest things. Sometimes she would call during the night, sobbing on the phone.. She went through similar feelings when 2nd en 4th entered. It always made me wonder whether I needed to step out of the marriage. I was wondering whether I was really being a good believer by staying while I knew she was in such pain. And 2nd was in a lot of pain as well when I entered though she didn't call on my nights, we argued whenever we met, and she argued and screamed and yelled at Mr.Hubby as well. It just made me wonder whether this was all really meant to be.

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Mr.Hubby always said to give it time, to be understanding and forgiving for everything, to try and be sisters to each other.. He pushed us to keep communicating. He was more on top of the situation than Alex in the Polygamy411 blog. And here the role of the husband becomes very evident:

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So one evening while having a pleasant conversation with Alex, he said he would be away on a business trip for a few days. I said, Oh, OK, so you’ll be back home such and such a day. (He was scheduled to be with Carolinah for the next three nights before his business trip. So I surmised that upon his return from the three day trip, he’d be with me three nights.) To my surprise, the date he said he’d be back was like nine days later. That just didn’t add up to me…Three days with Carolinah, three days business trip, back to me. I asked, “Are you telling me that I lose my days, as you’ll be on a business trip when I’m scheduled? He said, “Yes.”
Naturally, I totally lost it, freeeeked right on out! I said, “No. After the business trip you come back here for my three days. I asked, “Are you crazy?” He said he didn’t know. He seemed very sincere. I said, “If you can’t figure out a simple schedule, you don’t need to be in polygamy.” He said he didn’t try to take my days deliberately. He just didn’t know how it was supposed to work. He said he went online to try to find out, but there wasn’t a whole lot of information out there about it. I yelled, “Well yeah, that’s because there’s not a whole lot of people out there doing it!”

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A husband needs to be on top of the situation.

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Megan's blog

I've been reading Megan's blog..and I am just amazed by the way this household works and how the wives deal with each other. It really seems too good to be true. First off what I like about her family is that they're very religious. They're Christians, and have somewhat weird rules, like women wear dresses and have long hair..which is just a bit weird, not shocking or anything.. Men can have more than one wife but they have to have the means to take care of them – cheers for that.

So Megan just decided she wanted to live in a polygynous family, and she’s 18. Can’t really grasp why she came to this conclusion at this age, but her blog suggests her childhood has been rough, her dad is in jail and she feels her life now is wonderful compared to what she came from.

She came in contact with her current family through online forums or something similar, and they invited her over to stay with them and meet the family and after three weeks she married the hubby Steve. Steve is in his forties and has a first wife also in her forties, a second wife who’s 28 and now Megan. Something about being 18 and taking such a huge step, after a few weeks, made me feel wary of this whole story.. but Megan writes about Steve asking her is she was sure and asking her to think things through, first and second wife asking her if she really wanted this and that she did not need to do anything she wasn’t sure of, the pastor assuring her she needed not to rush into this, and that she could get married now but have her night with Steve in the future… Ok, so I believe all these people have good intentions..

There’s more amazing stuff to be read there, I won’t give you a summary of everything, but the way they deal with intimacy just leaves me speechless:

Megan gets married to Steve, nice ceremony, second wife even sows the dress for her.. Then Megan has her wedding night. They do make love, and Steve is a 100% gentleman according to Megan, then in the morning first wife brings them breakfast in bed. Now, I just can’t imagine this ever happening in my life, or me even wanting this to happen. Amazing first wife if you ask me. First wife and second wife even tell Megan that it is normal for Steve to spend some extra time with her now since she just entered the marriage, so she gets several nights in a row.. They ask her if she is all right, she only had a very brief and unfortunate experience before with a guy and is basically still a virgin. Second wife even gives tips.. (Mind-blowing)
Steve one night after dinner gives Megan the eye and they retreat to the bedroom.. and everyone knows why.. when they come back second wife jokes and asks if they had a nice chat…

I really think this is good family, with a good husband and great wives, I just don’t get how they do this. I think if Mr.Hubby gave 4th the eye at dinner I’d be insulted. And if he gave me the eye in front of others I’d be inhibited..

How come these wives don’t feel any awkwardness when it comes to intimacy?!

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Update from the front line

Sooo... the major, possibly life-threatening, do-or-die, the world is upside down, it might come tumbling down, DECISION - has been taken.

1st gets one day and the other day is for me and 4th. We can decide whether we want three days in a row in one week or if we want to have two days in one week and then one day in the other..I figured last option was better. 4th agreed, which was a relief, I didn't feel like dealing with her horrendous alter ego. Why is that? Why do we all have these terrible alter ego's? And I mean, we all have them.. they s*ck. Big time. And it s*cks that they seem to call each other out to play. 4th invites her alter ego over, and then mine creeps out of the house as well. And this time I locked the door safely, but it really is no guaranty for any future success. Alter ego’s stink. They stink!

Ok.

Got that off my chest.

Now; my blogroll is out of date. My intention was to have a blog roll with interesting polygyny-related blogs, with the exception of Pastoral Princess, she’s my special girl since she was my first commenter ever.. (hugs to princess) …however, many have private blogs (including princess), or have disappeared, or have stopped writing. Anyone has any suggestions??

Out of desperation, I am adding Margene’s blog to my blogroll - the blog of a totally inexistent person, but whatever.

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Polygyny Battles

I'm quite tired..had a few hours of sleep. It's been hectic in the past days. Any of you watch Big Love? The new season is airing now, and … the coincidence is very weird … Nicki (2nd wife in Big Love) said she wanted to be taken off the schedule in the last episode.. now the same happened to us last week. 2nd said she wanted to be taken off the schedule…

I wrote earlier that she has been dealing with her past, getting counseling, trying to resolve her issues. The past months have really been a rollercoaster for her. She said she just wants some time to sort things through without being in the midst of all the family issues. She wanted some time alone..

I wonder what will happen in the next episode of Big Love when Nicki’s wish lands in the family. Within our family it’s been stormy weather.

Mr.Hubby was very understanding. He knows where she’s coming from and said he would be there for her, regardless of whether she was on the schedule or not. He gave her all the space she needed. So we followed his example.

Now this sounds quite good, right?.. well… so 2nd gets taken off the schedule, everyone is very understanding, we leave it at that, till the next day, then the 1:1 talks with Mr.Hubby start.. there are two days per week left unassigned now .. who will get what?

1st sais: I had seven days and I gave that up when 2nd joined. If she won’t have them I should have them. I signed up for seven days and sacrificed my time with you for this family. 3rd and 4th signed up for what they have now, they should be content with that..

4th starts being her “Baby Boss” self. She never had much time alone with Mr.Hubby, she thinks it’s unfair, she always has to accept everything from the rest..

And I… I just don’t even want to be part of this nonsense, and tell Mr.Hubby that he should try to find a fair solution and let me know what it is, I’ll accept whatever he comes up with.

You see.. the issue starts out with two days that need to be fit into the schedule. But it ends up with being about what everyone has sacrificed, how unfair they are treated by others, what they deserve..
What a mess. I’m happy 2nd wasn’t involved in all the aftermath. She is trying to work on her own problems and I believe her decision might have been a wise one. She text messaged me if I wanted to go out to dinner tonight..it’s been a while since she felt like going out.

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