Sunday, August 24, 2008

Squeaky wheels get greased

To update everyone on the situation - I just got a text from Mr.Hubby saying he misses me... I tried calling him and he called me back but we weren't able to reach each other a few times. We talked eventually but about daily things (since I am sucker at talking about feelings on the phone..) He did text me though - sweet words so we're good. Once we see each other we'll talk things through.
What new#3 and Cathy said in their comments about squeaky wheels getting greased is exactly what I want to talk to Mr.Hubby about. We have talked about this before so it's nothing new. I told him that I felt like complaining gets rewarded by him with attention. He said that it's true, but that he can't see through everything himself and that I should help him with that.
I have gone back and forth between just letting him manage things on his own and me minding my own business, and then to trying to demand the attention he lacks to provide due to problems he has with other wives.
The times I tried to get Mr.Hubby to see my side of the story - eventually you get down to complaining about what he or she is doing wrong - I hated it. Part of it is pride I have to admit. The thought of me busying myself with how much attention a man does or does not give me - or how much he does give someone else - just makes me feel so rebellious - I immediately think stuff like "I definitely have better things to do with my time.."
Because I know pride is involved with it, I did try to go against it, try to lower myself and reach out to him. But once your plea doesn't get heard you start the back and forth of communicating opinions and at the end of the day I feel like a loser... even if he heard me in the end.
Some things I can brush off my shoulder easily, then I see him doing his best to make it up to a sisterwife who has been complaining about the same thing, and in the process he forgets about me... It seems like such injustice, but I remind myself that eventually God is aware of everything and holds the balance. So there is really nothing to worry about.
I plan on telling Mr.Hubby this. That I will not pull his shirt each time he does something wrong, that I do feel his attention goes to those complaining, and that I will excercise in trusting God through that he basically has to make sure he does justice to us all on his own.


Meggin said...

I'm glad that you guys are talking again! I've done that a time or two myself and it sucks. Honestly, I feel like your hubby needs to do some soul searching. He doesn't seem to be handling his plate very well. You obviously love him very much, so I imagine he's a good man, I hope that he can figure things out and start giving all of the wives the attention that they deserve. The my2wives guy seems to have that down - maybe they can start up a men's group and help each other figure out better ways to handle things?

PM said...

I agree that he doesn't seem to be good at handling what is on his plate, but then how could a man with 4 wives really handle it better? I am assuming that "my2wives" only has 2 women to divide his time between. 3rd's husband has 4. Surely all parties involved were aware of how little time and attention they would get/give under the circumstances when they entered into this arrangement. Frankly, unless all women live together happily like the "Big Love" scenario (which isn't always so happy and doesn't look like much fun even from the man's prespective)) it seems pretty obvious that this guy is going to be stretched very thin. And yes, the sqekiest wheels will get the grease as he dashes from one fire to another to put it out.

PM said...

Oops! Should be "sqeakiest" ;-)

Bola said...

Hello, thanks for leaving a comment on my blog.Are you really a 3rd wife, how have you been coping with that? I guess you are a very strong person, both physically and emotionally.Once again, thanks for stopping by!