Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Sincerity

Lately things have been going very well between me and Mr.Hubby - Actually this is most often the case. Just sometimes, when it’s that time of the month, I get in a drama-trip in which things feel worse than they are and the world seems to be a hostile place.. :)

However there have also been periods during which I would talk to Mr.Hubby less or he was less caring and involved. Sometimes because he had a lot on his mind or was dealing with problems in his other households, or because he was fed up with me and my flaws. And I have noticed that any reservations or doubts I have about polygyny or the fact that my life is secretive always pop up when me and him are in our lows.. When I feel loved by him and secure in our relationship nothing really bothers me.

And this makes me wonder how sincere I truly am... Should the choice for this lifestyle not be a matter of principle and belief and be totally unrelated to the way Mr.Hubby acts? Does this make me someone who is just in it for her husband and his affection, and will I run away once things get tough?
It makes me question whether I am steadfast enough in my faith.

6 comments:

UmmAbdur-Rahmaan said...

Aww I am sorry you are feeling low. I Was doing ok until I had a conversation with hubby last night. He sems to think that saying some things to me are ok, these are things he would never dream of telling her, and he hurt my feelings very badly.......I yelled and screamed but I still feel like crap.....

The Pastoral Princess said...

Honestly, speaking as a woman in a manogomous marriage...the exact same things happen, just different types of insecurities. I find myself feeling shoved aside by work, worries, family obligations etc. Even though it doesn't have anything to do with another wife, it's the same concept. I think all relationships are doomed to experience these bumps in the road AND I think some of it is just the plight of a woman....We overanalyze, overexamine, overscrutinize and overutilize ourselves enough to damage ourselves and our relationships from time to time.

Keep your chin up!

American Muslima Writer said...

I agree with the same comments said. sometimes things just suck and that's ok too. We are women and have different emotions to deal with. I dont think you aren't strong in your religion in fact the oposite you are proving to everyone and yourself i hope just how strong you are everyday that you're dealing with this in a good way and trying to be a good person. May Allah reward you greatly.

3rd... said...

@ummabdur-rahmaan: how are u feeling now? Are u ok again with your hubby? >>>hugs<<<

@princess: your post is so true "we overanalyze, overexamine, overscrutinize and overutilize ourselves". I guess that's just what I was/am doing - overanalyzing things

@american muslima: thanks, your post is very sweet and encouraging, God bless

UmmAbdur-Rahmaan said...

Sup 3? Things are ok we have our issues but they are hard to deal with considering the distance....but Insha'Allah when he comes home we will work it out...I got this article from this woman and it is actually really insightful..... so I am working on http://www.xeromag.com/fvpolyjealousy.html

3rd... said...

yeah it really is insightful, thanks for sharing!