Friday, May 30, 2008

Wishful Thinking

Yesterday I had some private time with Mr.Hubby. Most of the time we are running around just like in Big Love, and we have very little time to really sit and talk. Yesterday we finally found the time to relax a bit, and enjoy the beautiful weather.

There were some problems between 2nd and 4th and he asked me advice on how to handle it and what I thought was the real reason. So after we spent quite some time discussing this I asked him ‘well how do you feel about the two of us'? I was actually wondering what things he wished me to change as we were talking about what the 2nd and 4th should change in order to get along better. But then he answered: 'I wish so badly to be able to take care of you and be the husband that you deserve. I sometimes question whether we should live in secrecy like this, and whether it would be that bad if we would bring it all out in the open.'

It really touched me as I never thought he was burdened by this. And I realized that just as I have my wishes and desires so does he. The crazy thing is that I am sure my family would have little problems if I were gay, but if I were to tell them that I am 3rd they would think Mr.Hubby was a pervert and I was being brainwashed.

16 comments:

UmmAbdur-Rahmaan said...

Aww that is so sweet.....

Brenda - Noor said...

awww that is so sweet! He seems like a wonderful man, and of course you seem like a wonderful woman. I hope things get better between them.

*C* said...

It's nice that he does seem concerned about how hard it is to harbor such a big secret. It's nice that he's thinking of that.
And I'm glad you got some good time together. :)

Lady Nomadica said...

Hi Third..

You have a really unique and interesting blog here. I'm still trying to wrap my head around having 4 wives and still managing to stay in once piece.

I've read through your blog hoping to read about how he came to be married to the 4 of you. Are you all American? Was this always his plan for himself? etc.

Mum-me said...

Oh wow! I didn't realise you were living this life secretly. Not even your family knows? I can't being to imagine.... but how do you feel about it?

3rd... said...

@Lady Nomadica: Hi, and welcome! :) I never thought about writing about how we came to live this way actually..
Well, we (the wives) entered into our faith through various ways and met him afterwards, and found there was a connection with him and later with each other. I don't think he ever really thought about having four wives. He did not think about a 3rd before he met me, I know for sure!

3rd... said...

@mum-me: noo, sadly nobody knows..I am not happy about having to lie. Not at all. I read such a sad post on 4thefamily.us - a 2nd was posting that their husband had died unexpectadly and she was having such a hard time because she had to mourn in secrecy - how to explain you need to mourn over the death of your best friend's husband she said. Terrible.

From day to day, its ok.. but what's annoying is that my family wonders why I am still single - my friends also.. they are trying to set me up with guys and stuff. That's quite funny actually.. lol

Umm Yusuf said...

as salaamu alaikum my dear sister

mashaAllah i stumbled upon your blog and i really enjoy it =) may Allah make things easy upon your situation and allow for the best possible way for your news to be known at the best time, ameen!!

Musleema said...

Sister, Im not so sure it is permissible to keep secrets such as a marriage from your family, whether they are Muslim or not. Let's think about this from an Islamic point of view, when you say you keep this from them and that they are wondering why you are still single that suggests that lies have had to be told to quiet their concerns over you. If this is correct, lying is haram in Islam. Marriages are supposed to be announced to the community, and your family, especially your parents are apart of your community. Part of the reason for annoucing the marriage is to protect the honor of the woman. If your family were to see you alone with your husband but know he is your husband, they are not going to think good of you or your husband. Wallah, if you want this marriage to last put Allah first and obey His commands to treat your family well and avoid consistent sin. Wa billahe tawfiq.

3rd... said...

@musleema - thanks for stopping by and for being concerned with my spiritual well-being! Don't worry though, my parents are secular. Marriage means very little to them. I am truly convinced they would be fine with me being gay but have a hard time grasping the fact I am 3rd, especially since it has to do with my beliefs..

InshaAllah99 said...

salam alekium,
You have such an interesting blog! It's great to have an insight into something I know so little about, so I'm glad you've decided to take the time to write here. I've found myself checking it a lot lately for updates and, if it's OK with you, I've added a link to your blog on mine.

TheAngryMuslimah said...

Awww that is sweet I am glad things are going to well for you......but as for me.....I am thinking of a plastic bag, a shovel, an d some cement for my co-wife...........YA Allah(swt)

3rd... said...

@inshaallah99 - wow u've got 4 blogs! I hardly find the time to write just one..lol!! Thanks for ur sweet comment and sure link away. I'll try to read through your blog as well! peace

3rd... said...

@theangrymuslimah - well at least now I understand why u chose that nick! LOL!
I appreciate your honesty.. I guess we all get that way some times. You don't blog about ur stuff anymore?

Mary said...

lol yes, i never update them though :)

*C* said...

My mother would rather me be gay instead of poly as well. I think she's just a man-hater. She says she "supports" my choice, but she occasionally makes mean remarks about Hubby.
When he picked her up at the airport for her last visit, she said, "Hey there. How's the Harem?"
She thought she was very funny, I'm sure. But I know she thinks I'm opressed or something.