Undefined by numbers

Hello all.. Well, I didn't want to come back here and say I was busy, though I was, but it was obviously not the reason for my absence. It took me some evaluating to figure out why exactly I haven't felt the need to write anything for so long. One might think it's because of some issues, well no..not at all.

For those that have read my blog since the beginning you might remember the post 'defined by numbers', in which I was wondering why it is that the fact I am 3rd tends to dominate my life, it seems to be so defining.. Well, it isn't anymore. Actually I hardly ever think about polygyny at all nowadays, and that's a good thing. The reason for this is probably that the amount of fights have reduced to almost zero. This does not mean we're the best of friends. We just hang out as much as we feel like it and not more than that. As far as I am concerned this works really well.

Another important thing is that I feel like I have fully come to terms with this lifestyle. And this has really a lot to do with this blogging-thing, and especially with the insightful comments from all of you. Especially Donald, Sage, CM, and a special reader that has always preferred to comment by mail, namely Paul. And of course UmmAR kept me smiling.

Then there were the stories of all the other people that live this lifestyle or that have lived this lifestyle, they have helped me get a better perspective on who I am and how I want to live my own life.

Doesn't this feel like a goodbye?

Kind of, it does, I am wondering if it makes sense to keep blogging as 3rd. I don't feel like venting about polygyny anymore. I might occasionally, but will it really fill a blog? Right now it seems it won't.

At the moment I am inclined to just leave this blog open and whenever I feel like it update something, but I haven't made my final decision yet. What do you guys think?

Sometimes things just take you by surprise

You'll never guess what happened!

4th all of a sudden started talking to me!

Yeah, I know, crazy right?

And it happened almost immediately after I wrote that previous post.

Its like God said, 'Ok, I see you are trying, I'll make it easier for you'.

I was actually a bit too shocked to respond at first. But then I did my best to communicate back as well. Today I made an effort to talk to her myself. Nothing special really - superficial stuff, but definitely less strained. Not sure why she changed her mind though, it surely took me by surprise.

Feedback please

Hello all.. I'd appreciate some tips today.

There is not much new stuff to write about. My relationship with 1st and 2nd is steady, not anything deep but we try to communicate about the most important events in the week for example. But with 4th it is quite strained. We limit it to the mere necessities. Now in a way I am fine with that. And in a way I feel like I souldn't have to try and change that since she obviously isn't trying.

But then again, I feel like I should just be the bigger woman so to speak. My aim is not to achieve friendship, not now anyway. But it would be nice to not feel so iced up when talking to her. Any tips?

I have considered making it a one way effort. So just start talking to her about something that happened to me during the week, even if she doesn't really respond to it. But I am honestly not so good at that "we're pretending everything is fine" type of thing. And it seems this requires some faking. Or is there another way?

News...

I haven't updated here in ages it seems. Been cheating on you guys, found a new place to vent. It's writing... fiction. And I am writing for me only, not sharing it on any blog or whatever.

It's really weird, but it totally lifts me up. Though I've realized that in the end its just another way to escape reality. If I am walking or in the car or whatever, cooking even, a part of my brain disconnects and I enter some other world, my imaginary world. Then, when I have to get back to reality and really focus, it seems that much easier and somehow even more interesting.

It would be the best thing ever if I could end up earning a living with writing. A lot of discipline is involved with it though and whether I will ever finish a book I really don't know. It seems like my head holds an entire lake of thoughts and ideas and what's on paper is maybe just a cupfull. It takes a lot of times to translate feelings, images and thoughts into words. Words that convey them all well anyway...

But nuff about that. Some updates from my side. Mr.Hubby told me he wants to change the schedule. Its time for something more balanced according to him. He would want to move to a two days each .. I would really love that! It's not decided yet. He has to talk to the other wives separately and see in what way he can make it work with everyone. I guess 1st and 2nd will still want some kind of arrangement in which the kids get to see him more often, for dinner at least for example.

Then... Mr.Hubby said its time to start planning for kids! He said he hopes I will be pregnant a year from now at the latest.. :) I'm really nervous thinking about it but at the same time so excited. I've been thinking about this for so long. Sometimes I felt like nothing really mattered and I should just have kids regardless of the situation. Other times I've felt like there was no way I could make it work. Its been good talking about it with Mr.Hubby.

I am quite tired at the moment and though there is much more to be said on the topics, I will really have to try and post more another time. Right now, I'm in need of some mental silence.

Cheers all.

Big Love airing again

HBO's Big Love season 4 has started and I am really happy about that. There is something about the show that always makes me re-think my own relationships with my sisterwives. I've said it before, but that is my main struggle. The sharing part, the jealousy, the secrecy..all of those aspects I've got pretty much under control. I wouldn't say I've got them fully under control. But definitely 80-90%. Once in a while the remaining 20-10% emerge and slap me in the face, and it hurts, but overall life is easy.

Now relationships with sisterwives.. not so easy. We go back and forth from not communicating, to being civil, to enjoying each others company, to enfuriating one another. But we never get to the level of close friendship. To a feeling of real familiarity, a real bond.

Even though the wives in Big Love have many issues with one another, the main thing that always stands out in the series is the fact that they belong to that one family. And as with any family there are fights, lies, and issues, but its still undeniably a family. We do not have that feeling with one another..

Sometimes I feel like that really isn't necessary either. Why should we be anything more than just civil? Do our lives really have to be so intertwined? But then sometimes, like now, I think well we really only have each other. There is nobody who knows what we go through. We should stick together, and truly let each other in into our hearts.

One needs a big arsenal of social skills in polygyny. And a lot of patience and forgiveness and humbleness. And I fail in all of those traits.

Funny

I actually hate twitter.. but this one was brought to my attention, its hilarious

http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays

Name
Justin
Bio
I'm 29. I live with my 73-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says

Some funny quotes:

"Fine, let’s take a vote. Who wants fish for dinner?...Yeah, democracy ain’t so fun when it fucks you, huh?”

"I just want silence. Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more."

"It's never the right time to have kids, but it's always the right time for screwing. God's not a dumbshit. He knows how it works."

"Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didn't invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that."