How restraint is a blessing

I got this awesome piece of text in my mailbox.. the author isn't mentioned, but I couldn't deprive you of it.

We pray to our Lord to lift the heaviness off our hearts: and no one can lift those burdens except He Alone. Nowadays , huge industries have been built up whose only function is to provide diversion and amusement for people. Indeed, most industry falls under this category: the product that sells is not simply the one that fulfills a need, but the one that diverts people from the awareness of their misery – thus, television , videos, sports cars, fashions, games, etc. etc. are the new necessities of life.

All of these products of diversion have to compete with each other to gain their portion of the market, thus, another huge industry: Advertising. So, as we drive through the streets, beautiful people with clean white smiles come to meet us from their billboards and testify that , if only we buy such – and – such a product, we will look as good as they do, and always be surrounded by other beautiful people. The same is true of television ads: all are happy and laughing people.

But he to who God has granted penetrating vision may observe that these people are smiling the ‘smile of the skeleton’, the smile which always appears on skulls: all is just show, inside of themselves they are empty. What people call pleasure is only a kind of forced enjoyment.

Very young people may perhaps really feel enjoyment, as everything new is tasteful, but as they continue on this way, more and more they feel boredom setting in, that pleasure becoming but a routine. As a result they go further and further on the same way, to see if they can outrace the shadow of routine that makes all pleasures tasteless. Though they cannot win this race, they keep on running, progressing towards extremes of stimulation, but still feeling no pleasure. This disappointment and the consequent misery result from the mistaken assumption that ‘more is better’. For example, a spoonful of honey is sweeter than a cupful which will only make you sick. But because the philosophy of endless greed is now the common creed, people think that finding a beehive would be their greatest fortune. How wrong they are!

Oh people who claim to possess understanding, you must understand that Your Lord has placed a hindrance before the fulfillment of some of your desires only for your own good, not because He enjoys depriving you of something good. If something is prohibited by religion it is only because that so-called pleasure is a trap to catch you into suffering

Back at last

Yes guys, I am back.. it's been a long pauze. I needed some time after coming home to get back into the daily routine. And then tons of mail waited for me at work. I managed to get rid of most of it. And now everything seems to be going smoothly.

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I have decided to leave 4th with her issues and not be bothered by them too much. After having had a good talk with Mr.Hubby I told him I could really let it all be, but that I needed to make sure he wasn't affected by the things she does or says. As long as he doesn't buy into whatever twisted stories she tells, why would I bother?

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So we agreed that I'd tell my side of whatever issue pops up in the future and leave it up to him to do whatever he thinks is right. I'll try! :)

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He said, and I agree, nobody ever truly gains any understanding when they are scolded or cornered. They might bow down, but inside they build up resentment. So he proposes to try and explain why it's wrong, and I told him that's his job. :)

Holiday

Guys I left for holidays a few weeks ago and didnt get the chance to let you all know.. so from a sunny country I am writing this quick note to let you all know Ill be back here in two weeks or so.. :)

Having a blast

The curse of text messages

I just totally told off 4th. I tried and tried to just keep my mouth shut, or actually to keep my fingers shut since it was a text-message thing.. Oh, the time when there were no cell phones.. how sweet must polygyny have been in those days!!!

I am so fed up with her. Gosh!!

Wouldn't it be great if you could just put a specific person on ignore in your cell, so you wouldn't receive their messages if you wouldn't want to? Or maybe some new high-tech phones offer such functionality? Please let me know if they do, it's worth the investment, I tell you that.

So she has been whining about how she doesn't trust me or Mr.Hubby, because, DRUMROLL.. she has been lied to too often. And deceived too often..and now she feels it's only understandable that she checks his phone and reads his messages, and then not only that, but tells me she knows the details because he told her everything, and tells him she knows because I told her everything..

The thing that pi$$es me off the most is that she actually believes that she is the one who's the victim, who is being treated unfairly. I turned off my phone during the whole evening just to protect myself from my own bluntness and harshness. At the end I turned it on again, and there they were, the self-pity texts, about how she wants to be different, but it's just too hard, and she can't cope... eventually I texted her listing up all the deceit and lies (the major ones at least) I got from her, and other people in the family got from her, and told her to get over her whiney self, and stop with the self-pity.

At this moment I feel relieved to have said all what was in my head. I always do when people bother me. I am so unable to be diplomatic. I wouldn't be a good diplomat. If I were a diplomat for the US I'd probably tell Israel and Palestine to make peace right away or otherwise we'd bomb the hell out of them. Ok, I wouldn't really.. I am just writing off frustration right now.

I am sure tomorrow I will feel shitty about letting my crappy alter-ego out again. Right now it feels like a relief.

Poised Heart

Various thoughts have been running through my mind in the past few days, I’m trying to get them on paper..

Hidden Sage emailed me today that the most important trait of our ego is most often the one that we are most pleased with or the one we take pride in. I have been thinking about this, and I am realizing that it really might be true.

I appreciate the peace and safety of my inner world…I am happy to be a pleasant yet poised person and that I always do my best to keep my word - which might be described as reliable or trustworthy. And now I am thinking that there might indeed be some drawbacks to these characteristics.

I think my main fear is giving my heart to people. Yes, I think that is the hardest thing for me. So being poised might actually be the result of the emotional detachment.. All the caretakers I have had in my childhood were taken from me, or I was taken from them. You know I never hugged anyone – I mean really I felt disgusted on some level to hug people … then my first boyfriend hugged me, it was such an amazing feeling. I totally gave my heart to him and he wasn’t worth it, which was a harsh experience and that’s an understatement. I never felt such desperation again.

I’ve talked to Mr.Hubby about this in the beginning of our relationship. I told him that I didn’t feel such an emotional dependency with him as I did during my first relationship. I wondered whether that was something to worry about.. but he never felt like it was. I get it now, my love for Mr.Hubby is not just insane craving for love and attention, like it was with my first love, but I wonder if I am not still shutting him out in some way, I wonder if he doesn’t deserve more than my poised and dreamy self..

I guess I deserve more than my poised self

And fear… fear is nothing else than lack of faith. Don’t you think? Who would fear to give their heart when they know that their Lord is the guardian of it? I try to keep my heart for My Lord, but what if what I am actually doing is guarding my heart safely – thus not giving it in the Hands of the Lord?

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Reflecting on past year with the blog

It's been somewhat over a year ago that I started this blog, and I have been reflecting on what it has meant for me.. Someone once gave me the advice to always reflect what a chosen path has lead you to as it will clearly tell you whether you are on the right path or not. Has it brought you nearer to your goal?

The biggest benefit from starting this blog was discovering that there are so many people out there living in polygyny and realizing that it can work. Sometimes you get stuck in your own view of life. I might think that it is absolutely not done to hug Mr.Hubby in front of a sisterwife. But is it really not done? And if another sisterwife did this, does it mean she’s being mean towards me? Probably not. So it has made me re-evaluate certain viewpoints that I just take for granted.

Reading the blogs where polygyny works as well as where it’s still a major struggle, has been insightful. I have come to appreciate Mr.Hubby’s way of handling things a lot more, and I have become more understanding of the way my sisterwives deal with their struggles.

In some ways I have formed a clearer perspective on how I think polygyny should work, instead of just trying to follow Mr.Hubby’s take on it. And I have come to realize that my main weakness lies in the extent to which I want a close bond with my sisterwives. This I think is my main struggle and the main reason why it has been so hard to become close thus far. I just don’t want it badly enough. 2nd always sais its because I am happy with my relationship with Mr.Hubby that I don’t really desire to be close friends with her and confide in her. I am not sure if that’s the real reason, but somehow I feel like it’s good enough to like each other and get along. And I have still to figure out how to get myself to take the next step and really throw my heart into the relationship with my sisterwives.

So in conclusion, I think blogging has been a good decision. I informed Mr.Hubby about my blog and let him read it a few weeks ago. He’s somewhat confused about how it all works but has found it alright so far.

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On Little Rebel and Trusting Your Lord

My third post today.. that’s what WFH does with me..makes me a Blogger addict.

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I remember what I did last weekend. I babysat “Little Rebel”, and it was his goal in life not to get his diapers changed, so he made me do some very entertaining ‘catch me if you can’ exercises. It beats the stair master. I am quite sure he’s the funniest kid ever. He tells me endless stories of which I understand absolutely nothing but I always agree 100% with his opinion, and we just happen to find Elmo the coolest dude on TV. People have problems with that opinion?.. we don’t care, Elmo rocks.

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It was a good weekend.

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And I also remember this thing I wanted to write about. I read the O magazine, I am not a regular reader, I happened to buy the copy with Michelle Obama on the cover. And there was this interesting article about people living as if there is scarcity of things. There is scarcity of time in our life so we stress to get things done, there is scarcity of love, so we suffocate our loved ones with jealousy and control, there is scarcity of money so we keep trying to get more.. And what seems to be the case, once you actually believe there is abundance, you experience abundance.

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It’s true.

When I put my best intentions forward and decide to try and really make the relationship work with my sisterwives, and they reciprocate with distrust, suspicion, accusations, I just feel like giving up. And I am sure they feel the same towards me.

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So why wouldn’t that be a way of understanding how we should act towards our Lord? He says of Himself that He is the Most Merciful, the Most Generous, the Most Kind. His Word is actually a promise to us. Then why are we always preparing for the worst, scared of losing people or things as if we can really control anything..? This attitude surely can’t please Him…

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