Open Mic

There's been different topics on my mind .. things I have wanted to write about but didn't. Like the fact that autumn is here once more and I am waiting for the colors to change and the world to enter into shades of wonderful yellow, deep red, brown, green and purple. I am excited about the amazing images which will be presented to me soon when I step outside my home.. There are certain memories from my childhood, moments, in which I felt so much awe for the beauty of nature, I did my best to imprint them in my brain. I remember seeing a star filled sky during a summer night when I was four or five and thinking I *have* to remember this forever. Or sunsets while coming back from school..incredible sunsets, filling the sky with colors in such a miraculous fashion, made me want to die on the spot.

But also I wanted to write and ask you about what it means be friends to someone? And whether men and women can be friends? Isn’t there some form attraction lurking in the corner always? And if you allow yourself to really love a male-friend, will that transform into love that’s different, not meant for friends?
Mr.Hubby says that's the case. He says that keeping a distance is necessary between men and women. Before I start sribbling down my own thoughts and ideas on this, I just wanted to ask what do you guys think?

Picture perfect

The last post raised some questions, and I have been thinking about what you asked - whether I'd prefer monogamy with Mr.Hubby if it were an option.. SoI tried to imagine my fairy tale life so to say..so I could give you an honest answer.

So here goes my picture perfect:

I’d be married to Mr.Hubby, and he’d be a ten year younger version of himself but absolutely with the same wisdoms, characteristics, personality (e.g. maturity level) which he has now.. I would have sisterwives which would truly be like sisters to me. I think I’d like to have two, and they’d be in about the same age range as I. We would be true friends and I’d love them as I love my own sister.

We’d all have kids, and none of the them would be older than four. Each one of the wives would take turns in running daycare for the kids. And once the kids would grow older we might chose to home school them.

We would live in adjacent homes, with a big communal living and kitchen so we could have our dinners together. We’d have two days with Mr.Hubby each, so everyone would be with him in the weekends eventually.

My day would look something like this: Getting the kids ready, if it were my turn to babysit, I would obviously be doing that until it were time to start preparing dinner. On other days I would start my day by going to the gym to keep everything nice and toned, then run errands, rest some (especially if it were my day with hubby so I would be refreshed when he came home), go to the salon to get properly waxed in all the necessary places, chat or meet with my sisterwives and other friends and family, prepare dinner, preferably together with another sisterwife.. I am still undecided whether I would like to cook, but I would definitely master the skill of making sweets and jummy cookies and all. So the kids would think I am such a cool mom and auntie and they’d sneak into my kitchen to steal something. I’d always pretend not to notice.
We would all have dinner together and it would be a big and messy but most importantly warm family. After dinner, the necessary cleaning and getting kids to bed, my evening would depend on whether Mr.Hubby were with me that day or not.

If it were my day:
With Mr.Hubby being away for some days, having him home again would make me look forward to it. I would make sure to take a short shower, and have the diligence to slip into something nice like a nightgown (instead of my shorts and stuff which I wear now). I would have rested during the day so there would be no tiredness bothering me..

I’d make it my personal objective to make Mr.Hubby loose himself fully and loudly under me.. I’d give him and myself the opportunity to rest for some hours after which I would ask him to kindly return the favor. After this there would be time to talk and reflect about whatever happened to be on our mind.

If it weren’t my day with him:
I would use the evenings for spiritual readings, contemplation, writing, painting, meeting with the sisterwife who was also by herself that day, in the weekends maybe arrange sleepovers for all the kids while me and the other sisterwife indulge in some delicious ice-cream all the while reassuring one another that we deserved it and that it wouldn’t ruin our thighs..

My family and friends would know about my lifestyle, and would learn to accept it. They would come over occasionally and sometimes my kids would go over to them and have sleepovers with their cousins.

I would feel safe and protected within my family unit, and we would be united by a bond of trust and love.

….

And I would maybe ask Mr.Hubby to make love to me a third time again..

….

Yeah. That’s my picture perfect.

And it really isn’t impossible to reach. I mean, I couldn’t have a Mr.Hubby be ten years younger, but let’s say I would be with a different man, spiritual and kind just as Mr.Hubby and two nice sisterwives. They are out there, I have met some of them..
But:
1.

Living this life, and then dying, would result in what? I mean, what would that mean for my spiritual development? Having nice sisterwives and a life which doesn’t confront me with anything within me, would result into what exactly?
2.

I am no way near this perfection myself. I am not as perfect towards Mr.Hubby nor towards my sisterwives as I would want to be. My own pride and pettiness hold me down. So instead of expecting them to change to my liking I might better try and change myself. Their change may follow naturally..

So this is why I say gems are hidden in all the problems. They are opportunities for me to learn to be that better person, the one which trusts, loves, shows kindness, and generosity, and humility to others..

The world on a silver platter

Why are all cab drivers here so nuts? First I wanted to believe it was all just a coincidence, but no..I can’t keep justifying.. they are way crazy...
We just came back from a mall – me and colleague – and took a cab. So the driver decides to share his vision of the country with us.

“You see, I tell you, this country, is all upside down. Here women are like bosses.... I am telling you now, I see many things here in these years… Everything is about women here! A man cheats, she will smack his head to break it now and its ok. But if a woman cheats, he may kiss her on the knees to beg her to forgive him that he found out! I am telling you..”
.

Me and my colleague are cracking up on the back seat

.

“It is true. Whenever women become bosses the country goes upside down. You see it here. Man has to wash the dishes while woman goes out with her friends! I see them here in the night. They are all wasted on the backseat. They shove the beer down their throat worse than men..”

Crazy…

Anyway; I am travelling for work now. It’s been an interesting time so far. From a professional perspective it’s been really good, and this has been the first trip for me without any of my local colleagues. I met the international ones here, but was basically by myself. Which I prefer because it gives more opportunity to be alone. Otherwise there are always too many social activities for which you kind of need to show up..

Now I met one of these international colleagues already on one of my previous trips. I did remember meeting him but didn’t know his name anymore. I guess during the last trip we just exchanged a few words, nothing special. Se here, he came up to me to say hi and still knew my name..( I thought that was really impressive, since you tend to meet so many people in these trips). We chatted a bit and that was that. I mean it was pleasant but really quite short.

.
One of the evenings, I came back to my room after a dinner with some customers and then saw a small bag there with my name on it. In it was just a souvenir from this guy’s home country (about 20 hours by plane from where I live!) and a simple note stating something like ‘a small gift from my country, enjoy” signed with his name.

.
So I sat on the bed thinking, now what does this gesture mean? I figured the best thing would be to send a message thanking for the gift, to be polite. It has happened before that some guy showed interest but always in such annoying ways. I really dislike it when you notice that a guy always walks up to talk to you when he spots you. At a certain point you just look for ways to stay out of sight. And then they try to make jokes and somehow ask questions to understand 1) if you are in a relationship and then 2) if its serious. It’s all always too obvious even when it’s meant to be hidden, and it’s just generally really annoying.

.
But this was different. This guy had always kept a professional, but kind attitude, and this gesture was not too intruding either. It was actually polite and respectful and that was nice.
I received a nice reply to my message, saying he hoped I liked it. I saw him during the day again and thanked him again for the souvenir. We chatted about some work-related things. I asked him at the end if he bought that souvenir here or if it was really from his home country, so he said ‘no really I brought it in my country’.

Now, that puzzled me. I am thinking that he had someone else in mind when he bought it, but that for some reason it didn’t work out and then he decided to give it to me. The other scenario could be that he really bought it with the intention to give it to me, but that just seems so unlikely.

We had dinner with a group of colleagues later in the week and he was there as well. It was a really nice evening, one of the more relaxed ones I have had so far. Usually you have to work quite hard to keep the conversation alive, but this evening was actually nice by itself. And during this dinner this colleague shared that he has a wife and kids and that then puzzled me even more.

I shared all of this with Mr.Hubby and he said that a lot of people cheat on these trips, with each other – this is true, I know a few colleagues who indeed did this. So Mr.Hubby says that he probably wanted to see if he had a chance with me. Mr.Hubby was by the way really relaxed about it. He said ‘Look at it this way, you’re still hot’.
LOL

But this whole thing made me think and gave me this feeling..a feeling that in front of me lies the option to chose a life of luxury and ease. A husband which you can present to the world, a life without hiding, without difficult sisterwives, a life with stability. And it’s there, for me to just chose and take. Such an odd feeling- like a sense of gravity that’s pulling my heart in that direction.

I sat in silence for a bit visualizing the real life in front of me. The life after this life, its endlessness and the choice which I am making for that life. And slowly the sense of gravitation towards all of this started to fade away.

Polygyny is a conscious choice. I guess like any marriage is a conscious choice sometimes. And maybe it would be better if it were a conscious choice every day. I will be going back home soon. New rounds of arguments, distrust and problems await, I am sure. But all of them give the opportunity for submission, humility, goodness, love, reconciliation. In all of them lie hidden gems. If I were only able to see these things while in the middle of things..

Society as our ultimate trap

Sometimes you have those days or moments when certain things click in your mind in a way in which they didn't click before. Like you knew them, but all of a sudden it seems someone turned on the light and now you really see it clearly.

I had a similar feeling about the way our modern society looks like. Things I may have written about before, but the absurdity of some things just really dawned on me.

I am sure that all the women reading this will agree that if you want to lose some weight you shouldn’t go to the grocery store while hungry. It’s best to go when you’ve just eaten because otherwise you will succumb to the temptation and just buy (and eventually eat) all kinds of junk. If you really want to lose weight and then keep that size it is best to eat plenty but healthy and to exercise of course.

Now it is so clear that we do not want to eat junk. We want to eat healthy food. We want to lose weight or maintain a certain weight. Yet so many of us keep falling back and eating junk or sweets or fat food. And when a new day comes a new intention is made and we try to overcome our weaknesses and keep our promise to ourselves.

I wrote earlier about the difference between men and women and I shared my thoughts on how men are much more s.exually oriented than women. I’d say you may compare a man’s s.exual needs to those of a big hungry lady..
Ok, I said it jokingly, but I think the principle applies. I think men are just hungry for s.ex, more so than women. In general of course, I know some women are different than others. I dare to bet though that in an average marriage the man is the one who usually wants to have more and is often left feeling frustrated.

Now we are living in a society in which monogamy is the norm. And all women are walking around half naked. Women compete in looking hot, and all over in all forms of media, s.ex and enticing things are thrown in our face, or are very easily accessible (like p0rn).
But men are supposed to be monogamous.
So they walk around like a big fat lady who is trying to diet. What happens.. she ends up eating fast food in her car secretly – she stuffs it all down her throat and then drives home feeling miserable and like a failure.
And men cheat, or in many cases even visit pr0stitutes or engage in strange and pe.rverse behavior or scoop around the internet in search of ever worse forms of p0rn. And then feel ashamed and depressed even just to repeat the same thing the next time..

If we assume that the devil knows our nature and our weaknesses, and maybe for some readers this will be too much religious stuff.. but if the devil knows our weaknesses, wouldn’t this society be exactly that which serves his need, namely to just destroy all the beauty which we have in us?

There are more thoughts in my mind, but just wanted to send this one out and see how you guys think about the subject.

Blue Skies and Sunshine

Mr.Hubby got us all away for the weekend.. and then he bailed just before we were about to leave.. lol.. so it ended up being a sisterwives weekend in a city a few hours away from where we live. I figured this was the time to mend everything and decided that whatever whoever said, it would not upset me and that I would be happy go merry for the whole weekend!

And I managed!

And it was a good trip!

Everyone just relaxed..

I kept babbling about nonsense stuff

Little Rebel was not making any trouble

And now all tension seems to have left

And Mr.Hubby has been issue-free for some days

Mr.Hubby wants to use the good energy to have a family talk in which we lay issues on the table and try to come up with some ideas for how to make things easier in the future. That will probably happen somewhere in the coming days, and I will try to update you all.

Besides this there is nothing very exciting to write. You know it seems that when everything goes smoothly, it doesn't even feel like I am in polygyny. Then its just life and there is nothing strange or difficult about it. So now I am thinking 'what should I write on this blog'? And it seems there is not much to say.

Maybe if things go really well that would mean I'd stop writing completely...?

The core of things

I just read a post on CM's blog, and this part triggered some thoughts..

Other women who are in polygamous marriages for religious reasons describe spiritual benefits. I can definitely see how polygamy would force a woman to stretch and grow spiritually as she tries to rid herself of the negative emotions and behaviors that are bound to arise. I am fairly certain everyone will concede that women have to develop charity, love, unselfishness, forgiveness, and many other saintly attributes in order to live polygamy successfully. I also can envision how this lifestyle would motivate a woman to turn to God often for His divine help, love, and understanding as she struggles with all that is involved in sharing a husband. However, I am not sure I consider these items real "benefits" but instead I consider them to be beneficial results from living a hard situation.

You see, I find the spiritual benefits really the only real benefits, in anything, whether it be polygyny or life in general.. what else is there?

Being unselfish, caring, forgiving, humble etc. isn’t that the best thing we all could aspire to? Sometimes I feel so sad that these values are not held in a high esteem any more. And I am not making a reference to CM here, as I know she is a wonderful person and does value these things in people. I am talking in general. I mean there used to be something as knighthood in which values such as chivalry, defending the weak and helpless and being generous were held in high esteem. Very few attained these values, but they were perceived as important and people who reached some of them were respected. Nowadays gaining material riches is the highest goal it seems.

I was taught in school that what distinguishes humans from animals is reason, the ability to think about oneself and reflect upon oneself. And I have come to disagree with this notion. A child predator has reason, a rapist has reason, all these people think, reflect, make very elaborate plans on how to achieve their objectives in a way in which no animal could, yet they are animals. They are animals because they are not humane.

It is our ability to be humane which truly makes us human.

And being humane is really hard. Its like our heart is pure humanity but its covered with weed of jealousy, envy, vain, greed and all the other bad characteristics.

And isn’t the best goal in life to get rid of those dirty things within ourselves and let that best of character which is in us to fully flourish? So we may all be like stars of goodness on this planet?

the rollercoaster

I was gone for work to a different country. Mr.Hubby and I kept in touch during that time, and I texted him when I was boarding the flight home, and when I landed. But it so happened that he hadn’t turned on his phone for two days.. he is not sure why he forgot about it. So he was oblivious to the fact that I landed.
I went home, went to bed, jetlagged, slept for six hours straight then all of a sudden he entered the room. All surprised to find me there, he blamed me for not making him aware of the fact that I was home. That resulted in an argument.

Then he figured 1st would be steaming by then since she wasn’t able to reach him for two days straight, he went away without resolving anything with me and had a major fight there.

The next day it was my turn and he came to me. I was really pissed off, but we talked about it and then all was fine again.

He decided to go over to 2nd’s home and stay the night there the next day. She still is not on the schedule so he goes there a few times a week. Since she is not on the schedule by her own request he planned on sleeping on the sofa in the living room, which totally upset her, and they spent that night and the next day in full blown arguments. 2nd called 4th up afterwards to pour her heart out about the pain she’s in and how she feels, resulting in 4th having an argument with Mr.Hubby on 2nd’s behalf two days later, adding to the argument some of her own issues.

Then again my night came, and due to some changes to the schedule 4th’s day was the next day and we have this agreement that breakfast time he’s at the wife’s home whose day it is. He was quite exhausted and slept in a bit and was I’d say half an hour later than usual, when 4th started ringing my doorbell continuously as a lunatic. Till I opened up in my pj’s asking what was the matter, I found a straight from the hood attitude in front me asking me if we forgot it was her day. I told her he is coming down now, at which she left in full fury. They ended up having this major fight, stuff was thrown around the home apparently, she fully lost it, and he fully lost it.

Afterwards 4th called 2nd to now return the favor and pour her heart out at which 2nd ended up having a fight with Mr.Hubby on 4th’s behalf, adding some of her own pain and problems to the table as well obviously.

So if anyone is wondering why it always takes me a while to post stuff it’s because there is always a lot going on and often I am exhausted. Because even if I am not present at all these arguments I get to talk about the issues with Mr.Hubby or with one of the other wives…

There is no particular reason why I decided to write this down. I think it’s important for you guys to know I am not forgetting about the blog, and I think it’s important for men wanting polygyny to know what the drawbacks are.